


Back In Time To Start Anew

by ZoiIsSomehowHere



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Confident/Anxious! Evan, Connor is a misunderstood cinnamon roll, Connor tries to fix things with Zoe, Evan gets a slight personality disorder from traveling back, Jared is a general ass to everyone, M/M, Pastel! Evan, Shy! Connor, Start Over AU, Suicide, Trans! Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 19:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 26,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11607327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoiIsSomehowHere/pseuds/ZoiIsSomehowHere
Summary: Evan started walking upstairs the second the door was open. He didn’t want to waste any time. He didn’t want his mother to know what he was going to do and he only had ten minutes to do it.His last thoughts were directed to the person who he felt he had failed the most.I’m sorry I fucked up Connor Murphy, I wish that we could have been friends.And then he was gone.When Evan woke up, it was to his alarm.Wait... Woke up??





	1. The End

Evan started walking upstairs the second the door was open. He didn’t want to waste any time. He didn’t want his mother to know what he was going to do and he only had ten minutes to do it. He couldn’t hesitate this time. He rushed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, locking it. He quickly shook off his jacket and crouched on the floor so he could open the cabinet under the sink. He reached back until his hand touched a small hole in the back base of the cabinet. He pulled on it until it lightly gave way to show a small nook with a little box hidden in it.

He quickly pulled the box out and opened it, revealing the extremely sharp razors it held. He carefully pulled out one of the steel blades and put the sharp edge to his skin where other scars had littered his arms. He pressed hard as he dragged the blade vertically to the nook of his elbow, and watched as the blood poured from his veins. Before he could think about it he had already taken the razor into his other hand and done the same with his other arm so that he started to bleed out.

He knew his mother would be disappointed and sad, and that Jared would probably feel like it was partially his fault, but he had left a note, so everything would be okay. He just couldn’t handle his guilt anymore. He couldn’t handle lying and he wished he hadn’t failed when he jumped from the tree. He just wanted it to be over.

He leaned back when he started to see black spots in his vision. His arms hurt but were starting to numb, and his head grew foggy as his vision left. He had luckily made sure that the cuts were so deep so that he’d bleed out before anyone could help him. So, he knew that this was his final moment. He felt relieved and calm for the first time in years. His last thoughts were directed to the person who he felt he had failed the most.

_I’m sorry I fucked up Connor Murphy, I wish that we could have been friends._

And then he was gone.


	2. The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Evan woke up, it was to his alarm.  
> Wait... Woke up??

When Evan woke up, it was to his alarm.

Wait… _Woke up_??

Evan sat up in a panic. He was supposed to be dead what happened? He looked over at the time and saw it was about 5:40, he usually woke up to start getting ready for school around this time. He took a quick look around his room and saw his calendar on his wall. He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and shoved them on his face. He stared wide eyed when he saw the date. It was September first.... The first day of his senior year, the day that Connor Murphy killed himself, the day his life was fuck over.

But now he could fix it.

He got up and started getting ready for the day, realizing he had his cast again when he tried to pull on his pants and found something clunky restricting him from doing so normally. He quickly went down stairs to see his mother at the dining room table with some toast and eggs sitting across from her. Evan sat down and started eating.

“Did you start you letter yet? ‘Dear Evan Hansen, today’s going to be a good day and here’s why’!” His mother said.

“I, uh, started one?” He responded softly.

“Good! Those letters will boost your confidence you know!”

Evan just nodded and finished his food. He stood up and grabbed his bag, starting to walk to the front door.

“Oh, honey! Maybe you could ask the other kids to sign your cast.” Heidi said, handing Evan a sharpie. He took it and nodded lightly.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“I’m proud of you already. Have a good day! And there’s twenty dollars on the counter for dinner tonight.” She said as she let him walk out of the house and to his school.

When he arrived, he headed straight to his locker and saw Jared waiting for him.

“What’s up Hansen?” He said. Evan cringed when he remembered and heard the next words. “You must be the first person to break their arm jacking off.” He said cackling. He received a punch to the should and a harsh ‘shut up, that’s not what happened’ from Evan, making him stare at the blond. However, his attention was quickly turned to the person stalking down the hall with a two-foot radius around him.

“Well, look who it is! I love the new hair, very school shooter chic!” Jared said, smirking. He received another punch, this time harder. He turned to look at a furious Evan.

“And maybe if you were nicer you’d actually have friends other than a ‘loser like me’ as you say. At least Connor is a better person than you, he doesn’t pick on others for being different.” Evan said, not stuttering.

People stared at him as he angrily turned back to his locker and finished grabbing his supplies. He slammed the door shut and walked away from the shocked crowd. “And when you apologize to both Connor and I, let me know. I know that you need your car insurance since you can’t even hold a job without stealing bath bombs.”

He went through his first classes in a quiet angry rage. He wasn’t going to fuck it up this time. And this was his first step to that. He was going to be nice to Connor and he was going to be his friend. He won’t let him down like last time.

At least death had given him more courage.


	3. The Letter Never Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan writes his letter and makes sure Connor doesn't see it.

When lunch came around, Evan headed into the computer lab to write his letter for therapy. He knew this time to not write about Zoe. And he sure as hell didn’t have feelings for the female Murphy anymore. He sat down at a computer and logged on, opening his google docs. He opened a new page and started writing.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day because, you actually stood up for yourself and someone else. You were tired of Jared making fun of you and he had no right to pick on anyone. Connor is probably a good person and just because Jared wants to be a dick doesn’t mean you can’t try and be friends with him. This is a new year and you’re already feeling more confident and if this keeps up you could have a better friend than Jared in no time._

_Sincerely,_

_Me_

Evan sighed and printed off the paper, making sure to stand and walk over to retrieve it immediately. As soon as the paper was in his hand, he saw Connor Murphy awkwardly walking through the door. He smiled as not-awkwardly as he could and moved to put the letter away in a folder. Connor walked over by him and sat down in the chair next to Evan.

“I wanted to thank you for this morning. Jared was a huge dick and I, um, appreciate what you did.” Connor said, leaning back, and looking away bashfully.

“Ah, I-It’s no p-problem. He, uh, he deserved it. H-Has he a-apologized yet?” Evan asked, looking at the teen before him. Evan studied the male before the other turned back. Connor’s hair was an extremely pretty shade of cinnamon brown, and although his skin was rather pale, it still glowed with health. Although, the bags under his eyes did add a year or two of maturity to him. His dark, grey-blue eyes were shining lightly with a bit of amusement as he turned to Evan.

 “How are you stuttering now when you were talking just fine earlier?” Connor asked before shaking his head. “Never mind. How’d you break your arm?”

“I, um, fell o-out of a t-tree…” Evan said, looking away to avoid eye contact.

“That’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” Connor laughed, smiling lightly. “No one’s signed it yet though… Do you have a marker?” Evan’s head whipped to face Connor.

“Y-you d-don’t have t-to!” Evan said, wide eyed. He mentally cringed, he sounded just like he did the first time he had this conversation: pathetic.

“Give it here.” Connor said, holding is hand out and curling his fingers a few times. Evan handed him the marker and watched as Connor gently took his arm and wrote his name in large, bock letters.

“T-Thanks.” Connor nodded to Evan before standing up.

“Now we can both pretend we have friends.” He said starting to walk off.

“What if we’re r-real friends?” Evan said, picking at his cast. It was an old habit that he never really got rid of even after the cast had come off. He heard Connor laugh and looked up with a disheartened look, making the other stop suddenly.

“You, like, actually mean it?” He asked, a wide-eyed look on his face. Evan meekly nodded and stood up with the pen in his hand. He uncapped it and took Connor’s arm into his hand. He quickly wrote his phone number and his first name on Connor’s skin before going back to grab his stuff as the bell rang.

“Text me.” He said rushing out of the room. He felt like the world was shrinking and trapping him in, but he went to his next class, ready to either face rejection or to maybe have a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just realized this is a Confident/Anxious! Evan and a Shy! Connor AU and I absolutely love shy Connor! And Confident/Anxious Evan is super cute too! How they grow so quickly.  
> ALSO CHAPTERS GET LONGER SOON!!!!!


	4. The Notebooks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is a really cool guy to hang out with.

After school that day, Evan was surprised to see Connor waiting out front of the school. When the taller male had caught sight of the blond, he immediately walked over, ignoring the stares he got.

“So, Evan…” Connor said awkwardly. “Fuck it, come on.” He said, glancing around and seeing people stare. When Evan didn’t make a move to walk, Connor took his wrist and started dragging him to the parking lot of the school.

He pulled Evan to the passengers’ side of a lightly beat up truck. The dark blue paint was lightly scratched and was quite dirty, but it had a ‘well cared for’ vibe and look. Evan pulled himself in as Connor walked around to the other side to get in himself. And when the two were buckled in with the engine running, Connor pulled out of the school and drove off somewhere.

The two arrived at an older, faded pastel coloured shop that Evan recognized as A’La Mode somewhere around three. They walked into the washed-out shop and Evan looked around at it’s sort of 70’s diner vibe. Connor saw that he was dawdling and pulled him by the wrist to the counter to order something.

Evan surveyed the flavours before deciding he wanted a double scoop of Vanilla and Pistachio. He saw Connor’s nose wrinkle at his choice, but the taller ordered for him anyway. Connor himself had gotten Chocolate and cherry, Evan found out once they sat down.

“S-So, why a-are we here?” Evan finally asked when he was halfway through his ice cream and when he saw Connor had finished his own.

“Friends do shit like this right?” There was a pause before Connor continued, albeit bashfully. “And it’s too make up for being a bit of an ass to you earlier.”

Evan stared for a moment, before smiling. “I-It doesn’t m-matter. It’s i-in the past.” Connor smiled at Evan, although you had to strain to really see it. The rest of the time was the two getting to know each other through generic questions like ‘what is your favourite animal’ and ‘if you could be a famous person what would it be for’.

The two left the shop sometime after four, and Connor drove Evan home. “I’ll start taking you to school and driving you home too. I mean, if that’s cool?” Connor asked, covering his embarrassment with a cough.

“Uh, y-yeah, I guess that’s o-okay… I’ll s-see you to-tomorrow Connor.” Evan said, awkwardly getting out of the car.

“Yeah… I’ll see you then.” Connor said as Evan shut the door to the truck. He waved to Connor as the latter drove off.

When Evan walked inside he was greeted by silence. He realized that his mother would not be home that night. Thankful for once that she wasn’t going to be home, he headed upstairs to start a journal. He wanted to make sure to write everything down from the last timeline, and from this one.

He pulled out a red spiral note book from his desk and got to work writing out what happened before he kille- died. He did change the names of the people though, to some sort of an off-brand name or something. After he finished with the red one, he pulled out an orange one. He wanted to A) make sure that if there were going to be more restarts, he was going to colour code them and B) he hoped to some deity that these would stay filled out if he put them somewhere that he would remember but would be secret from anyone else.

When he wrote out what happened today, he tucked the red one behind some books so that it was parallel with the back of the book shelf. He then set the other notebook on his desk to act as a sort of journal or diary.

After that he went downstairs and made himself some toast, not wanting to go to the trouble of stuttering his way through ordering pizza. He remembered half way through putting the bread in the toaster that there was a mango in the fridge and some peanut butter in the cabinet. He peeled and cut the mango by the time the toast was done, so he put most of the mango in a container in the fridge and the rest on two slices of peanut buttered bread.

He took his delicacy out to the living room with a glass of milk so that he could watch some Netflix before he had to go to sleep that night.

It was almost midnight thirty when Evan headed to bed. He went to the bathroom to take off his contacts and took his glasses into his room with him, before changing and flopping onto his bed. The second he was comfortably snuggled in the blankets, he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized after a long time, that for one person (You know who you are!) I may have said that Evan was paranoid about the whole ordeal. I just want to clarify that I've been shooting these out of my ass almost non stop for life four days so I actually have to go back and read everything before I post... SO EYA. Anyway, I'm visiting some family and I couldn't get wifi for a bit, but as you can tell its here now! And on Saturday, the update will be really early, since I'll be travelling again.  
> Just thought i'd give my awesome peeps some context as to whats happening and what may disable me from posting. Anyway, LOVE YOU GUYS SO FRICKEN MUCH!!!!!! <3<3<3<3


	5. The Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan stands up against Jared again and Connor is a kool kat! Also in which Evan has a waterbed!

That morning, when his alarm went off, Evan groaned. He wished he wasn’t awake, and that he could live in his dreams a while longer. However, that would have to wait for two more days. And then sweet Saturday would come and let him sleep in peace.

Finally getting some energy, Evan stood, shoving his glasses on his face. He allowed himself to move slowly, gathering clean clothes to change into after his shower, then moved to the room with said shower.

After finally putting in his contacts, combing his teeth, and brushing his hair, he made his way downstairs for more peanut mango toast (as he had dubbed it). He quickly ate, eyeing the time as he scrolled on his phone. When he had finished cleaning his dishes, he heard a chime from his phone. As he dried his hands, he glanced at the text.

**Unknown- I’m here. CM**

Evan nodded at the screen, setting the rag he was using down before picking up his phone and grabbing his backpack and keys on the way out. He made a contact for Connor as he walked over to the blue truck on the curb of the street. He finished it as he opened the door, dubbing the number as _CoolConnor_.

The ride to school was relatively silent besides the two good mornings when Evan first got in the car. However, it was bearable due to the alternative rock music playing. When the song Zephyr by the Red Hot Chili Peppers came on, Evan started to softly sing.

When the two parked at the school, Connor turned to Evan. “You have a really nice voice.” He said, surprising the blond.

“T-Thanks C-Conner.” Evan said blushing and looking down. He really wanted some of that confidence back now. They got out of the truck and proceeded to make their way into the school. Jared was once again waiting for Evan, leaning against the locker.

Evan made a point to mostly ignore that he was there, as he opened the dingy metal cupboard and started pulling out things he needed for the morning. Finally, Jared sighed, eyeing Connor as the latter stood next to Evan, standing rather protectively by the anxious teen.

“Look, guys, I’m sorry. I’m a jerk and I deserve to be ignored. And Evan, I don’t just hang out with you for insurance as much as I say it. But are you really going to be friends with the school psychopath?” Jared asked, a look of genuine concern on his face. Evan deadpanned, feeling the confidence well up again.

“Yes, because he’s not a psychopath, he’s a good person. Better than you, that’s for sure. You know there is a reason why I’ve labelled you as _JerkyJared_ on my phone your years. You’re an ass and you need to learn how to be a decent person before you try to make up with someone. And if you really think that I’m going to forgive you just because I’m not just for insurance, then think again. I’ll talk to you again if you can get along with my **real** friend.” Evan said. He looked away, but didn’t apologize. He closed his locker and let Connor lead him into the abandoned bathroom to take a breath.

“Thanks again Ev. It means more than you think.” Connor said once Evan had gotten some control of his breathing.

“I- Yeah. It’s what a f-friend w-would do… I-I think…” Connor laughed, and Evan could only stare at the genuine smile that graced Connor’s face when the music stopped. “I do m-mean it though… You a-are a g-g-good person.” Connor ruffled Evan’s hair, smiling warmly again. Evan smiled back, happy that he could see this person, who had once been so sad that he had committed suicide in another time, so happy after just a day with him.

“I’m glad. I don’t think this could have gone any other fucking way though. We all knew Jared had it coming to him and who better than the kid who’s put up with his shit for far too fucking long. But who knew that the same kid would be friends with the school’s psychopath stoner.” Connor chuckled, albeit a little dry.

“I-I… We s-should get to c-class.” Evan said, hesitating. He and Connor walked out from the bathroom to hear the first bell ring. Connor walked Evan to his first class before heading to his own for once.

After the morning classes, Lunch was spent out near the edge of the school where the two could still hear the bell, but be shadowed comfortably in the shade of a few large trees. The two talked more, trying to get the other to open up without scaring them away, and when they realized they were doing it, they laughed together.

After school was spent driving to Evan’s house and letting Connor order pizza while they watched some movie on Netflix. When Evan’s mom came home, it was to see her son and another teen laid out on the couch. The two had their legs entwined, but bodies on opposite sides of the couch. Heidi just laughed softly, as she placed a fluffy blanket over the two teens. She went off to her own bed to sleep before she had to go back to work and classes.

In the morning, both teens woke up to the smell of pancakes. Evan shot up and grinned, making Connor tiredly chuckle. The two made their way to the kitchen to sit at the table as Heidi placed the fresh stack on the table. Evan grabbed the top two jacks and took the butter, slathering it on before drenching the poor fluff in syrup.

Connor just grabbed a single pancake and was tearing a piece off before he ate it. Heidi quickly joined them at the table, bringing a drink for both boys after asking what they wanted. She smiled at Connor.

“I’m Heidi, Evan’s mom as you can tell.” Connor blushed, embarrassed he hadn’t introduced himself yet.

“Connor Murphy, I’m Evan’s friend.” He said shyly to the bubbly woman.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I’m glad Evan has a friend like you. You seem very nice!” She said, finishing her coffee and food. “I need to head off, but feel free to linger a bit more, there’s still a good hour before you two need to head off. By the way Evan, there’s money to get food on the counter again. I’m sorry for being out late again, but classes call. I’ll be off on Sunday, so we can hang out then.” She said, making her way out of the house.

There was a moment of silence as Evan finished his last pancake.

“Your mom is damn cool.” Connor said, laughing when Evan almost choked on his milk.

“I-I mean, I g-guess. I d-do love h-her and all. I-It just sucks s-she’s not a-always around.” Evan said, looking down.

“I could hang out here more often? I mean, no one at home really wants me there in the first place, so getting out would be cool.” Connor said before adding after a moment. “Plus, I really like hanging out with you so far. You just fucking understand that I’m human too.” Evan smiled at Connor before excusing himself to change and find clothes for Connor. When he had found something suitable, he gave them to Connor and let him use the bathroom to shower.

While Connor was in the tiny waterfall, Evan went back to his room to quickly fill in what he didn’t get to in the journal. He shut it just as Connor walked into the room.

“What are you writing?” Connor asked, curious.

“I-um- A story.” Evan said as his best excuse. He supposed it wasn’t wrong, as he was still using the alternative names.

“You’ll have to let me read it when you’re done.” Connor said flopping back on Evan’s bed to discover it was a water mattress. “Whoa! Dude, this is cool!” The taller male grinned like a child as he wiggled around on the wobbly bed. Evan smiled at Connor before glancing at the time.

“We should head out. You can hang out later after school.” Evan said, standing up. He led Connor downstairs and the two grabbed their things before heading out to start another day at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, that although Connor is a little out of character, I want to point out that this is A) how I've written him and B) how i perceived him from Sincerely Me and Disappear. He just came off as this hurt person who just needed someone to relate to. And now he has Evan, as much or little as he maybe, who understands what it's like to be alone and cautious with the people around him. Connor sees Evan in a way that not many could perceive and I'm trying my damned best to write what that is. This is all basically me explaining that this is why he is shy rather than blocked off with Evan. While others may be a threat, Evan has become Connor's safety blanket in the matter of only two days. He feels it is unnecessary to hide things from Evan, like things he likes and what he's thinking. And Evan in return sees this in Connor and opens up to him as his sort of secret diary who can talk back and sass him because he's allowed to.  
> In my opinion I think the relationship progression is fine, and I do want to add the hint of Connor having a crush on Evan prior to their becoming friends, and you'll definately see that later, but for now, this is just a stage of opening up to be comfortable, and a stage of, 'yeah, this is what friends do, right?' Only because neither of them had any (good in Evan's case) friends to learn the experience from, so its okay that the relationship is moving kind of quick.  
> I just wanted to clear that up, but it turned into a monologue before I knew it! Anyway hope you enjoyed!!! <3


	6. The Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mindless things are what Evan does in this chapter of Friendly Fluff. <3

Luckily it was Friday, and the day passed by uneventfully. Jared didn't even bother to come around and bother the two friends. After school, the two drove to Evan’s house and decided to watch a cartoon before ordering any food.

When it finally came down to ordering their dinner, the two decided that Chinese would be a good pick. They quickly ordered, wanted to get back to the fascinating show about a boy who was half of a anthropomorphic gem.

When it arrived, Evan mindlessly went to the door and paid, taking the food and change, he went and sat next to Connor, focusing on the show once again.

Connor chuckled at how Evan hadn’t even realized what he had done. He realized he had been staring a bit too long at the blond and turned back to the show, pulling out the Chow Mein.

After they had eaten, they decided to head to bed, and this time in Evan’s actual bed, not the couch.

Connor changed into an extra pair of sweats that were too big on Evan and jumped lazily on to the queen-sized bed.

“Why do you have such a big bed if you're so small?” Connor asked, not really registering he had said it aloud until Evan giggled. And by that, Connor means an actual giggle, not a chuckle, a high pitched, kind of girlie, giggle.

Connor stared for a moment before chuckling himself, trying to make it seem like he had joined right after Evan started.

He watched from the corner of his eye as Evan left the room for a moment before coming back in a minute later with a pair of thick black glasses on his face. Connor grinned.

“I didn't know you had glasses! That's adorable! Why don't you wear them?” He asked, trying not to gush at the cute boy before him.

“I, um, t-they make m-me look weird… a-and I'd get p-picked on more.” Evan said, looking away bashfully as he sat on the edge of the bed. It wobbled as Connor moved to face Evan’s back.

“I think you’d look badass. You would wear a beanie and a black hoodie, and you’d get people asking if you were famous!” Connor said, laughing tiredly. “But for now, we should just kick back and sleep for a while.” He said, pulling Evan back on the bed. The shorter boy tried to protest to being pulled back, but ended up feeling extremely comfortable. He slipped his glasses off and set them on the side table before using his light remote to turn off said light.

He smiled softly as he felt Connor’s warmth next to him and heard quiet snores of the now sleeping teen.

How he could get used to having this misunderstood boy around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter I know, but I'm posting another! It's probably up if you're reading this!


	7. The Secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heidi's mom comes home to bring a Saturday Barbeque Dinner, and a little Evan secret is revealed.

In the morning, the two slept in until somewhere around 11. And when they got up, Connor immediately requested that Evan stay with his glasses on.

“Why? I-It’s not l-like it c-changes m-much besides my a-appearance?” Evan said, getting up from his side of the bed to stretch.

“I just think they suit you more. It might just be me though. Hey, when do you get your cast off?” Connor mindlessly asked, sitting up so he sat with his legs crossed in the applesauce.

“Um, it was s-somewhere in late M-May or e-early June, so… S-Sometime in the n-next week o-or two…” Evan said, avoiding eye contact.

“When it comes off, we should celebrate with some A’La Mode!” Connor said, grinning over at Evan. The blond rolled his grey eyes.

“Okay C-Connor. A-Although it d-does sound fun.” Evan said, with a light giggle. Connor’s smile widened just a bit more as he heard it. “L-Let’s go d-downst-stairs and watch a-a movie or so-something?” Evan said, starting to walk out the door.

“Yeah, that’s chill, but I get to choose this time. Last time you chose, and I don’t want to watch something like Home again. We’re going to watch Atlantis.” Connor declared, walking past the now giggling Evan. They walked down to the living room to see another person already on the couch, one that was not Heidi. The person turned when he heard the footsteps and light laughter from the two.

“Jared?” Evan asked, astonished that the teen would come. “What the heck are you doing here?” He said, suddenly fuming.

“I came to… To apologize. I have been an ass, and I really miss your company… Even if it means putting up with Connor, I’ll do it.” Jared said as soon as he was standing. There was a light red on his face, and he wasn’t looking at either of them due to some sort of shame.

“I-I, um, thanks I-I g-guess…” Evan trailed off, his anger washing away and being replaced with disbelief.

“I couldn’t care less if you called me shit, but Evan is done with your bullshit. It was time you realized that. Evan was doing what had to be done and I’m sure as fuck that he forgives you, but we wanted to just chill today, and you’re making him uncomfortable. He’ll talk to you on Monday I’m sure, but for now, get out and let him process.” Connor said, no brain-to-mouth filter applied. Jared just nodded and walked out, calling back a moment before he left.

“I’ll see you on Monday Ev, and I do have to say that you look much calmer with him around. I wanna see why.” And then he was gone.

Connor guided Evan to the couch and had him sit down while he started the movie and got popcorn and blankets. After everything was set up, he returned to find Evan curled up in a ball, staring aimlessly somewhere. One thing stuck out though, he was crying.

“Evan! Ev, look at me.” Connor said, kneeling down in front of the other teen. Grey glazed eyes looked at him before clearing up.

“Con?” Evan asked, wiping his face when he felt the tears. “S-Sorry, I so-sometimes dissocate when I get too s-stressed.” He said, sniffling. Connor smiled softly, and Evan could only stare at the beauty of it.

“That’s alright. I got really worried though. C’mon and skootch, I’ve got everything ready and I won’t let you hog the blanket this time.” Connor said, sitting next to Evan and pulling the blanket on over them when he started the movie.

When the movie was over, they decided to play some video games. However, the only system Evan owned was a Wii. Connor decided to look over the game selection and see if he could find anything that he’d want to play. He quickly found Kirby’s Epic Yarn and plugged it in.

The two played for a few hours, joking, and calling names when one lagged behind. When they stopped it was because Heidi was home, and she brought a huge bag of barbeque in.

“Hey boys, I knew that Connor was going to be over, and I was sure you’d be hungry by now…” Evan smiled and stood up. He walked over to his mom and gently took the bag from her and started laying out its contents on the kitchen table. Connor walked over and thanked Heidi, as he started pulling plates and silverware out for the three.

“So, h-how was y-your day M-Mom?” Evan asked just before he took a fairly big bite out of a rib.

“It was fine, very calm for it being a hospital. How was yours and Connor’s day?” She asked back smiling when she saw her son’s eyes light up, and how Connor smiled softly.

“I-It was fun! W-We watched a-a movie and p-played s-some games. It was nice…” He said, not bringing up Jared. He hadn’t told his mom about Jared.

“That’s great! We’ll be able to hangout tomorrow, we can watch a movie, or go shopping?” Heidi looked at her son, a light bit of teasing in her eye. “We can go look at this really cute store, they sell sk-“

“Okay M-Mom, w-we can go sh-shopping…” Evan quickly cut his mother off, not wanting to go further into that rabbit hole yet. He had been so stressed in the last timeline he had forgotten about wearing his favourite type of clothes… He hadn’t wanted to off-put Zoe then, now though… It really didn’t matter, did it?

“You still haven’t shown Connor? I’m sure he’d like to see it!” Heidi laughed, making Evan flush. Connor spoke, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“See what, exactly?” He asked, making Evan shoot up.

“F-Fine! I’ll go ch-change…” He said, walking away stiffly.

How does one forget that he enjoys wearing pastel skirts? The world may never know…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't understand HOW this happened, all I know is it DID. It just was relevant to Evan as a character to me and so it was random-smoothly put in. You'll see how he looks tomorrow!! And I have to say that I wished I looked half as good as him! ;D  
> <3


	8. The Pastel Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan gets to strut his Pastels! And somehow makes a promise he never thought he would...

When Evan walked back downstairs, he was wearing his favourite pastel blue skirt and a white croptop. The skirt was pulled up to his chest to the croptop didn’t show any skin, and it ended just above his knees. He also decided to put on his matching flower crown and a pair of white pumps.

Connor stared, a deep red hue on his face as Evan sat back down next to him, his face also a red colour. But there was something off about it, and when Connor looked closer, he saw Evan had put on a light blue eye shadow and had a simple wing of eyeliner. How he did that in ten minutes bumfuzzled Connor.

“Awe, Evan, you look adorable!!” Heidi gushed, making Evan become self-conscious as Connor had still not said anything. It wasn’t his fault he liked wearing pastel or skirts.

“I-I…” Connor tried to say eventually, however he had become star struck with the boy next to him. He cleared his throat and tried to be confident in his compliment. However, it failed when his voice was a shy whisper. “You look, like, um, really cute…” He said, trailing off once more. Evan blushed fiercely and turned away, muttering a small ‘thank you’ under his breath.

“Awe, you two are adorable.” Heidi said, making them both blush even more. Connor wondered how Evan would look if he was pinned underneath him wearing that… But he shook the thought away. Evan was his friend, and although he has a crush on him, he’s not going to ruin this once in a lifetime chance.

“There’s a-a r-reason I d-don’t wear this a-all the ti-time. I’d g-get picked o-on at sc-school…” Evan spoke softly, looking down at his hands. They were playing with the edge of his skirt. “A-Although w-what they wou-would call m-me is t-true…” He whispered, hoping no one would hear him.

Heidi took in the situation when she saw Connor look over at Evan with a very concerned look. She decided to yawn then, catching both teen’s attention. “I’m going to head to bed. I want to be rested up for tomorrow, and I think Connor wants to say something before he leaves.” She said, standing and walking away. “Put the leftovers in the fridge while you’re talking okay? Good night, and drive safe Connor.”

When Connor head the door shut, he turned to Evan. “What do you think they’d say?” He asked the anxious boy.

“T-They’d c-call m-me queer, a-and gay, a-and a l-loser, a-and u-ugly, f-fat!” Evan said, feeling his chest tighten and his breath become short.

“Breathe Evan, come one, breathe with me. It’s okay, you aren’t any of those things. I think it’s extremely manly that you can dress like that and not be ashamed. I like it, and I’ll protect you. Don’t worry.” He saw Evan nod as the blond started to breathe with him. Connor could just imagine that it synced their hearts.

“T-Thanks Co-Connor.” Evan said finally, giving a hug to the taller male. Connor smiled and hugged back. Both lingered a little longer than they thought they should, but neither acknowledged it.

“Could you do me something though?” Connor asked shyly. Evan nodded. “Could you like, wear something pastel to school on Monday? I-I really think it suits you.” Connor blushed.

“I um, okay… I g-guess I can.” Evan said.

He walked Connor to the door once they had cleaned up and gotten Connor’s stuff.

“I’ll see you on Monday Evan.” Connor said as he opened the front door.

“Okay, b-bye Con…” Evan said, smiling softly and waving Connor off.

At least that went well… But how did he get Evan to promise to wear pastel to school on Monday?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was writing a later chapter yesterday (For me it's today, when I write these notes sometimes its the day before its published...) and I wrote something and it reminded me of a song and I literally googled the line and it gave me a Yo Gabba Gabba thing. It ended up being Left Brain/Right Brain by Bo Burnham, but you know, it was creepy as all hell. Also I love Michael in the Bathroom! Best inspiration song evah!  
> I love that you guys are enjoying this so much and I really appreciate all the comments, it keeps me going! I actually have a chapter build-up until Tuesday if you can believe it! And I've nicknamed the story BITTSA (Bit-sah, like Levi-oh-sAAAHHH).  
> I love you guys so much *Sniffle of pride* AHH YOU GUYS ARE COOL!!! <3<3<3<3


	9. The Colour Reveals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan goes to the mall with Heidi and wears his pastel to school for the first time!

When Sunday came around, Evan was woken up by his mother at ten. He decided to dress in a pair of pastel purple jeans, and a pastel yellow shirt that had soft ruffles. He slipped on a pair of white flats and put his white flower crown on. His mother and him always made sure to shop in the next town over when Evan dressed like this, it was more comfortable for him.

He sighed, he had forgotten to write what happened. He took a moment to sit down and fill in a page. Every time he filled a page in, it seemed like he was further from his last time (he had started to call it his last play through and that this is his reset).

He walked downstairs to meet his mother at the front door. They drove for thirty minutes before they arrived. They walked in and found their favourite café and sat down for breakfast. After that, they went to the store Heidi had mentioned.

When looking around, Evan found a few nice skirts that were a pretty shade of rose pink, powder blue, and periwinkle. He had also found a few cute tops, and a single dress. He didn’t need any shoes, but he found another flower crown and an adorable headband that was solid white with a single large bow on top.

They wondered for a bit, walking in and out of stores. Evan ended up seeing a Hot Topic with a single shirt that stood out to him. He walked in with his mother, and went straight to it. When he saw it up close he grinned. It was a pastel/punk shirt. He immediately bought two, one for him and one for Connor. Then they were on their way home.

When they got home, Evan almost immediately went to bed, only after writing up what the day was like. He mentioned the passing thought that it felt like the last play through hadn’t really happened and that this was reality. That he felt content with how things were. How much he felt like he’d known Connor for years, not just days.

He felt like everything was falling into place and nothing could go wrong in that moment. And for once, he was right.

In the morning, Connor came and knocked on the door. Evan answered, dressed in an orange pastel skirt and a pink t-shirt tucked underneath. The waist of the skirt was pulled to his hips, and a thick white belt kept it in place. He also wore the white headband he had just gotten, and pink socks that pulled just above his knee and just below where the skirt ended, so a slight bit of skin showing. He had a light pink and orange dusting of eyeshadow and a white eyeliner, making his grey eyes bigger and more doll like.

“H-Hey, C-Connor. Um, j-just let me p-pull on m-my shoes.” Evan said, slipping on his white flats, and grabbing his bag. He had changed his backpack into a white leather one, that had a white bow on where the magnet latch laid. “O-Okay, let’s g-go.” He said, blushing as he walked out to Connor’s car. Connor stared at Evan as he passed, astonished that one boy could look so adorable in such light colours. Also, he may have stared a little too long at Evan’s ass, admiring the way the skirt draped there.

When they arrived, Evan didn’t want to get out of the car. Connor had already tried talking to him, but Evan wouldn’t budge. He wasn’t having a panic attack luckily, but he was very worried about being bullied. Finally, Connor sighed.

“Evan, don’t care about what others will think of you. They don’t know you for who you are, and I can vouch that you are an amazing person. Does Jared know you dress like this? ‘Cause I’m sure he’d say you look great. And you do, you should act confident with the change, don’t be shy to strut your stuff, y’know. Plus, I actually may have possibly worn a gay pride shirt myself…” Connor said, looking away bashfully when the said shirt was mentioned.

It was something that he had gotten to piss off his dad after he came out and was almost disowned. It was a simple black shirt with the words ‘I’m Hella Gay, Back Off Girl’ written with rainbow gradient letters. He showed it to Evan and the said teen broke out in a large grin, no longer as worried about what others would think. And then a doubt came.

“B-But what i-if they say w-we’re dating?” Evan said, looking away and worrying his top lip.

“Don’t worry about it. They can say what they want. Most of it isn’t true anyway. Just as a secret between you and me, I don’t smoke pot. I haven’t done drugs a day in my life. I had actually taken a medicine a while back for my depression that gave off the look that I had gotten high. I’m off it now, but the reputation still stuck.” Connor said, chuckling as he finally moved to get out of the car. He walked over to the other side to help Evan out.

They walked into the main hallway, making a B-line straight to Evan’s locker, ignoring the looks that they got for their attire. Upon reaching said hunk of metal, they saw Jared on his phone. When they approached he looked up.

“Hey guys, how ar- What are you wearing Connor?” Jared said, eyeing the taller teen, completely ignoring what Evan was wearing in favour of teasing the punk teen.

“It’s something I like to wear to piss Larry off after I came out to them.” Connor said nonchalantly. He leaned over and put his arm around Evan to indicate to Jared to compliment the blond, as to give him a bit of confidence.

“And Evan! Looking about as cute as a puppy with big eyes.” Jared said, grinning at the now blushing boy. Evan nodded thanks and looked away shyly. Jared chuckled when he saw Evan move closer to Connor as he opened his locker and pulled out what he needed.

Connor and Jared walked with Evan to his first class, making sure he had enough confidence to get by while they were in their classes. Evan sat down and was immediately surrounded by both boys and girls alike.

“Hey, what’s your name?” He heard, he didn’t get the chance to answer as more questions were shot at him.

“How’d you break your arm?”

“Are you free later today?”

“How’d you get that skirt to be so fluffy?”

“Where do you get your socks?”

Evan felt overwhelmed and started to hyperventilate. Luckily someone noticed and pushed the people away to give him room. When he could breathe, he looked up to see Alana keeping the people at bay for him.

“T-Thanks. Um, that r-really helped.” He said, to Alana as she finally got the last person to leave and she had plopped down next to him.

“It’s no problem! Hey, so how _did_ you break your arm? You know I broke my toe in first grade. And by the way I love the pastel on you Evan, it looks absolutely adorable, and I’m sure that everyone else thinks so too. I think some of the guys think you’re a girl.” She said rambling before the teacher finally stood up to get the class in order.

When lunch time rolled around, Evan was exhausted. He had to deal with so many people asking him questions, and walking past, handing him numbers. He wouldn’t ever text them, he just flushed and looked away, stuffing the paper into a pocket on his skirt.

He walked out to the trees to see Connor and Jared waiting. He smiled tiredly at them before settling down close enough to Connor to rest his head on the taller’s shoulder.

“How was class?” Connor said, laughing at Evan’s tired sigh.

“It was fucking hell.” He said before he could filter himself. “Ah! I’m sorry! I-I don’t k-know what c-c-came over me!” He said hurriedly when he had realized. Jared and Connor were both laughing.

“Ev, it’s alright, no one is going to judge you here. You probably picked it up off of me.” Connor said, finally calming down. They talked and ate, Evan mostly just leaning on Connor and trying not to fall asleep.

The bell finally rung for the day to be over and Evan could swear that he had at least forty different phone numbers stuffed into his pockets. He put his stuff away in his locker and headed to meet with Connor and Jared outside the school.

“H-Hey guys,” Evan said softly, walking up to the two. Connor smiled and slung an arm around Evan, walking with him to the car as Jared walked ahead of them, going on about something he watched online.

When Evan finally got home, he had to quickly fill in the notebook before he fell asleep, so he wrote a quick summary, writing as many details as he could before changing and heading to bed for the night, confident that he could wear pastel tomorrow as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K, so, this is written day of posting btw. Sorry for posting so late.  
> I'm actually in Las Vegas for a fam trip thing I don't want to even be on, but here I am. I woke up kinda late and wasn't able to post before I left, and I've been dragged around all day since.  
> Also I hope you liked the chapter, I really liked writing it, and there is probably more words in this chapter than any other chapter.  
> Have a little extra cheesey on me-zey.  
> Also I have to say that I went to an escape room thing, and it was super fun. I might make a one shot on that, with like Tree Bros/Boyf Riends Not sure yet though!


	10. The World Means Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another stressful day for Evan makes him fall asleep at lunch, and Connor takes him home...

In the morning, he put on a pastel green tank top and the powder blue skirt he had gotten. He slipped on a pair on white leggings and the white pumps he had originally shown Connor. He also put on a white cardigan that was slightly baggy, and went over his fingers. Lastly, he put on his blue flower crown and put a light layer of pastel green eyeshadow on with a black wing of eyeliner.

Evan ate a Poptart as he sat on the stairs, waiting for Connor outside. When Connor pulled up, he stared as Evan opened the door and sat down. It was a moment before he realized that he had been staring to long and he cleared his throat.

“Sorry. It’s just that you look really good… Again.” Connor said awkwardly as he pulled out of the driveway and started the way to school.

“T-Thanks… I l-like your h-hoodie.” Evan said, pointing out that Connor chose to wear a bright pink hoodie. Connor laughed.

“Thanks, it pissed Larry off when he saw it. Zoe even asked _why_ I was wearing it. I just told her it was because I could, but I think she’s suspecting something…” Connor said, glancing to see Evan with a small smile on his face. That made Connor smile even wider.

“I think it l-looks good o-on you Con. Y-You should we-wear more pride s-stuff too. A-Although I’m not s-sure it’s good t-to try and m-make your dad mad.” Evan said, giggling.

They parked and were surprisingly greeted with a whole barrage of people who looked to be waiting for Evan. When the said teen stepped out of the car, the group of people all started trying to ask him things. Luckily, Connor jumped out and saved him by quickly pulling him into the school and to the abandoned bathroom. Connor locked the door, making sure no one saw them, and that no one else was inside there. He turned to see Evan with tears streaming down his face.

“Evan! Oh, shit. I have no fucking clue what to do?? Are you okay? D-Do y-you need like, a hug?” He saw Evan faintly nod and quickly reached to pull him into his chest. Connor wrapped his arms around the poor boy. “Shh? It’s gonna be okay… D-Don’t w-worry, I’m here.” Connor said, slightly swaying them. Evan bunched his hands into Connor’s shirt and just took in his scent, trying to calm down.

It took a few minutes, but Evan was calm enough to fix his make-up and find Jared by his locker.

“Whoa! Evan, there you are! Did you know you have a fan club? And it’s only been a day. Also, Connor what the _hell_ are you wearing. Yesterday the outing shirt, today pretty-pink for gays? What has gotten into you man! You’re going to ruin your badass reputation! Next you’re gonna tell me you don’t actually smoke weed.” Jared said, making the other two look at each other and laugh. “NO FUCKING WAY!!! CONNOR MURPHY, YOU HAVE DISAPOINTED ME!” He yelled, making people glance over. Evan started to laugh so much he had to hold onto Connor’s arm and put his face on it, trying to hide the tears forming.

“Jared, dude, I think you’re going to fucking kill Evan by making him laugh so hard.” Connor said as Evan calmed down, only to make the said teen snort and start all over.

“Me? I think _you_ broke him when you two became besties.” Jared chuckles. “Well anyway, I’ll see you two lovers at lunch” He said, walking away.

Evan eventually calmed down enough to grab his things for class. Connor walked him over to the class, making sure he was near Alana (Evan told Connor that Alana helped him yesterday and that she offered to help more if he needed it), then he trudged off to his own class to suffer without a cute, pastel blond by his side.

When lunch came and Evan joined the two other teens, he looked just as tired as yesterday.

“H-Hey guys…” He said, yawning into his cardigan covered hand. He sat down next to Connor and almost immediately fell asleep.

When Evan woke up, he realized that he was A) not at school and B) was at home with Connor cuddled into his side. He started to nudge the taller’s shoulder, only succeeding in flipping him over. When he did, he gasped lightly, making the other finally stir.

Connor Murphy was transgender, and that made Evan like him even more.

“C-Connor?” He asked, deciding to just pretend he hadn’t noticed the breasts on his best friend’s chest.

“Mmm? Yeah Evan?” Connor asked, turning to see Evan smile softly at him.

“Nevermind, want t-to go order some f-food? I c-can get my laptop, so you can c-change if you w-want.” Evan said, moving off of his water bed. “By the way, w-when did I get home? It has to b-be around 4 n-now…” Evan said, changing the subject when he saw Connor’s eyes widen at his slight implication.

“Um, a-after lunch. Jared helped me get you into the car. I took you home, thinking it’d be better to let you rest.” Connor said, astonished as he realized that Evan was okay with him being Trans. Evan smiled and left the room, saying for Connor to meet him downstairs when he was ready.

When Connor walked back downstairs, he had put his binder back on. The only reason he was allowed to still be trans was because his therapist threatened to have Connor removed from his family if they were going to force him to be who he wasn’t. In fact, his therapist is the only reason he’s Connor, not Lily. He hated that name anyway. If he was going to be a girl why couldn’t he be like, Artemis or something cool and Greek like Zoe.

He saw Evan on the couch and moved to sit next to him, although with a wider space than they normally had. Evan just scooted over when he noticed.

“Evan?” The blond hummed. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Evan turned to look at him with a confused face. Connor tried not to think of how cute his wrinkled nose made him look. “With, uh, me being…” Connor waved over his chest.

“W-well duh, y-you accepted me f-for my pastel s-stuff..” Evan said, moving so he could lean his head on Connor’s shoulder. “And, i-it’s not j-just because y-you accepted m-me and I-I really d-don’t care, I mean I do- I do care t-that you’re hap-happy and i-if this ma-makes you happy than t-that’s c-cool?” Evan said rambling. He looked and saw a soft smile on Connor’s face and returned one, just as bright.

“Thanks, you, uh, don’t know how much that means. I guess I’m just used to my parents. They’re still trying to make me realize its ‘just a phase’. It’s not. My therapist has told them so. I’m surprised that I’m even still allowed to live there.” Connor said looking down sadly.

“I-If you d-don’t like it… Come l-live here.” Evan said before realizing it. He slapped a hand over his mouth. “I mean, like, y-you don’t have to, b-but I’m sure m-my Mom would b-be o-okay with it and-“

“Evan, thanks, but I can live for now. But if something happens, I might just take you up on that offer.” Connor said, hugging the smaller teen. “Thanks, it means the world Evan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So weird plot twist I know, but I just think it fits! Hope you enjoyed!!!


	11. The Cast is Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peanut Mango Toast... A'La Mode... No more Evan's cast.... Floof... Timeskips after this-ish!

Connor eventually went home, saying that he needed to find all of his pride stuff and hide it before his dad finds it all. Evan went and wrote in the journal about today, and his findings. He wrote that it just made Connor more real, and more human, and that was all he needed to be, himself.

After that, Evan went down to greet his mom, who had just arrived home. He talked with her for a bit, about how he was opening up and wearing his pastel. He told her about Connor, and the offer he made. She just smiled and said, “If it makes the both of you happy, then I’m okay with it. I wouldn’t want him staying in an abusive home. And I’d be more than glad to pay for top surgery if he wanted it.” She sent him off to bed after that.

The next morning was Wednesday, and Evan was not ready to go back yet. Nevertheless, he put on a pastel yellow shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans, then pulled on a white cardigan, dotted with little dark blue stars. He slipped on a pair of pastel yellow flats. He decided to curl his hair in small, tight loops, then he placed a crown, littered in light gold stars and dark blue hearts, tied together with a black metal wire.

He waited outside for Connor again, this time with a piece of Peanut Mango Toast. When the taller pulled up and saw what Evan was eating he scrunched his nose. “What _is_ that?” He asked, eyeing the half sticking out of Evan’s mouth as he buckled in.

“Peanut Mango Toast! T-Try it, y-you might l-like it?” Evan said, holding out the offending food to Connor. He took a bite, blushing deeply at the thought that this is technically an indirect kiss. He chewed and swallowed, not saying anything. Then he turned to Evan, eyes wide in delight.

“Damn! That’s actually really fucking good!” He laughed, finally pulling out of the driveway. Evan laughed along, happy that someone else enjoyed his favourite food.

“Oh, can you take me to the doctor today? I’m getting my cast off… I me-mean if you d-don’t mind a-at all!” Evan said when they were closing in on the school.

“Yeah, its fine man, don’t worry about it.” Connor said, pulling in to the school parking lot.

School went by as normally as possible, and by lunch Evan was still able to stay awake to eat and finish his last classes. Then, after school, Connor drove Evan to the doctor to get Evan’s cast removed.

“Mr. Hansen? We’re ready for you.” A nurse said, calling to the nervous teen.

He nodded and stood, taking Connor’s hand and pulling him along too. They were led to a room, and until they sat down, their hands were entwined. The doctor walked in with the necessary tools to remove the hunk of plastered bandages.

After it was done, the two met Jared at A’La Mode for a good serving of ice cream. On Jared of course, he was still trying to apologize.

They all laughed and joked around, Connor secretly with his hand on Evan’s thigh. Luckily, the teen was already so awkward that it didn’t make a difference in his speech pattern, all that was different was the dark blush on his face.

When they finished, they went to Evan’s house so they could watch a movie or something. Jared ended up stealing the remote and forced the boys to watch Bo Burnham’s Make Happy comedy special. The dwarf teen sang along to every song, almost killing Evan and Connor’s eardrums.

Finally, when it was over Jared left first, saying his mom wanted him home to do something. Connor stayed for a little longer, although, only long enough to make sure Jared was gone when he gave Evan his gift. It was a small potted bluebell, and Evan recognized that they meant kindness. He hugged Connor after setting the plant down.

“I-I- Thank you, C-Connor. A-And know t-that the offer s-still stands. Don’t b-be afraid of a-asking me for help ev-every once in a w-while. I w-want you to k-know I care… A-A lot, so d-don’t be afraid t-to tell me an-anything. Okay?” Evan said, holding Connor by his shoulders as he did his best to maintain a serious, meaningful eye contact.

“Okay. Thanks, Ev. I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” Connor said, hugging the grey eyed teen for a moment. His own blue eyes were lightly wet, but he smiled when he pulled away. “Maybe tomorrow we can watch a bootleg musical? I can stay over too, we have Friday off for Labor Day… I don’t understand why it wasn’t on Monday though, I guess maybe it was just how the school board decided it.” Connor said, his mind wandering for a moment. “Well, anyway, I’ll see you in the morning. Bye Ev.”

And with that he was out the door, leaving Evan to stare at the plant as he filled in the notebook mindlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K, so I'm posting this before I go to bed actually. I went to see the Blue Man Group last night, and had tons of fun, but I couldn't sleep, and I'm driving back home today, so uh, yeah!  
> Also pretty soon after this, some timeskips happen since not much goes down between them. Also this is kinda-ish the mid-point of the story...  
> But I have many more stories planned and I will post them as soon as this is finished posting!!!  
> NEVER A DULL DAY WHEN ZOI IS SOMEHOW HERE!!! (ahem, Heere*)  
> Also, I mentioned to someone (You know who you is!) That there are Easter eggs of things I have done or said, that I may have just happened to write in at some point. I think there are at least four or five up to this point, and there are more in the future. Also, send me questions about the story, or towards me. I'm going to do a halfway Q&A, and an end of story Q&A. So just as a heads up. I'll probably post it on Friday or Saturday, so shoot me up y'all!!!!  
> LOVES YOUS ALLS!!!! <3


	12. The Amusement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings?????

A few days had passed and Evan was extremely confused. Ever since he had gotten the Bluebell from Connor, he felt extremely relaxed and comfortable around the Punk teen. He didn’t understand what the feeling was, and when he wrote in the journal about it, he wrote it as feeling as though he could be anywhere, with anyone, and feel comfortable as long as Connor was by him. He felt warm and at home in the other’s arms.

He had tried to google the feeling but all he got was people saying that he liked Connor. He knew this, it wasn’t new. I mean he was Connor’s best friend, he wouldn’t be hanging out with Connor if he didn’t like him.

Nevertheless, he got ready for the day ahead. It was Saturday and Jared, Connor, and Evan had made plans to go visit a new amusement park. And by new, they mean one that only Connor had gone to since he was rich and the prices had finally gone down enough that Evan could afford a ticket.

He pulled on a red pastel Skirt and a black tank top. He put black leggings on and a pastel yellow sweater that looked just slightly too big. He pulled on a pair of pastel red boots and put a yellow and red flower crown on. He smiled in the mirror and put on a dusting of yellow to red pastel eyeshadow and a simple wing of black eyeliner. He smiled at himself again before frowning. There was something missing.

Looking around, he spotted a small tube of lipstick and looked at the colour. It was a light red colour that would go well with his outfit. He grinned and quickly applied it, hearing a knock on the door. He called for the person to come in and waited until someone cleared their throat next to him to look over.

Connor stood waiting for him, leaning on the doorway. He was wearing a deep red jacket and had light grey skinny jeans. Just a peak of his shirt showed and Evan could see that it was a simple white t-shirt with a pride flag on it.

When he turned, he saw Connor blush, and look away. For some reason, that made Evan blush and feel a little tingly. “Hey Con!” He said, smiling over at the taller male. He was finally able to talk to Connor and Jared without stuttering.

“H-Hey Ev, ready to go?” Connor said, finally able to look back at the adorable teen before him. Evan nodded and moved past Connor and into the hallway. He headed towards his room.

“I just need to grab my phone and my bag and I’ll be all set.” Evan said, emerging from his room with said items. Evan had never looked so happy to be going out with friends on a Saturday. He had _friends_ to do these things with.

They headed down to Connors car to go and pick Jared up. When they arrived, Jared hopped into the backseat and immediately reached for the Aux cord. He plugged in his phone and it started playing parody versions of popular songs. Evan and Connor both groaned and pulled out the Aux cord, turning on the radio in the truck.

They suffered through Jared singing along horribly to the music the entire hour they were driving. When they finally pulled up, both Connor and Evan jumped out of the car and ran to the entrance, Connor only barely locking the car as Jared got out behind them.

The two were bouncing next to each other as Jared came up and chuckled at how much they looked like little kids.

The group had gotten there thirty minutes early so they wouldn’t have to worry about a huge line. With tickets out, they walked through the entrance as soon as the park opened. Connor immediately took Evan’s hand and dashed to one of the more popular rides before it got too crowded, and Jared could only do his best to keep up with the two teens.

After a few rides, Jared had gotten a text that a few of his other friends were there, and he went off to hang out with them. “See ya! Don’t wait up, Love Birds!” He said, making Connor and Evan blush, looking away from each other, not noticing their hands still entwined.

They went around to some other rides like the teacups, which Evan spun so much Connor thought he was going to die. By the time late afternoon had struck, they were wandering around the carnival game section. Connor looked over his shoulder as something caught his eye.

A large black dragon was slung up on the grand prize shelf of the Dart Toss game. He looked over to see Evan staring at it in wonder. Connor grinned and dragged the short boy over to the stand. The man looked them up and down, then smiled. “Three Dollars.” He said, holding his hand out.

“Here.” Connor said, handing the man three dollars. “How many to win the dragon?”

“Pop five balloons.” The man said simply. Connor nodded and took the five darts handed to him. He was a very good dart player after so many years of throwing them to hit specific places on Larry’s face. He stared at a small bunch of balloons and took aim. With one dart he took out two balloons and still got the dart stuck deep into the board. He kept going until he used all his darts and hit eight balloons. He was handed the dragon which he gave quickly to Evan.

“Good luck with your girlfriend.” The man whispered to Connor. The teen blushed, but thanked the man nevertheless.

After they had finished browsing around, the two left the park in good spirits. They went over to Evan’s house to watch movies and have a sleep over. Once they were seated, Connor turned to Evan and took a deep breath.

“H-Hey, um, Evan?” He stared, making the other boy tilt his head in confusion at the other. “I, uh, I really like you.” He said nervously. Evan just grinned back.

“Well, I like you too! I mean we’re friends? Why wouldn’t we like each other?” He asked innocently. Connor stared. Had he really never been confessed to?

“No, I mean, like more than a friend.” Connor said carefully, as to not startle the other.

And then Evan realize what he felt.

“Oh. Oh! I, um, I like you too? I mean, like t-that I guess. I mean, I think i-it’s the same way, like where you feel warm with the other and just want to be by them all the time?? Like that right? Then I like you too!” Evan rambled, making Connor chuckle. Evan blushed, but leaned into Connor, feeling the other’s arm go around his shoulders. He felt a kiss be pressed into his hair and he smiled, humming contently.

This was a good day, and Evan knew why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided just to do one Q&A after the story is done, which should be in two weeks maybe. Also I want to thank everyone who comments, kudos, and/or reads this! You all make my day Evan Connor (Evan is supposed to be evan, and Connor is still Connor...) times better!  
> Also I have a plan for my next fic! It may be a BMC/DEH cross over... Maybe....


	13. The Time When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um... Stuff happens and things change...

Evan couldn’t say that he and Connor were dating per say. Yes, they cuddled and admitted that they liked each other, but they weren’t official. They were just testing the waters, seeing if they could do certain things without the other freaking out. Like holding hands in public, or kissing each other’s cheeks.

Evan was happy nevertheless, and when he told his mom about liking Connor she fully supported it. In fact, lots of people supported him and Connor. Alana said she was glad that Connor found a nice boy, and Jared was telling them it was about time they started to date (which they weren’t quite yet). Even Zoe passed by and said a small congratulation to Connor.

And then the Murphy parents found out.

Now, the thing with Cynthia and Larry was that they were supposed to be a perfect family. A family full of straight, smart people, who didn’t mingle with LGBTQ+… Let’s call them people to soften their words. They only dealt with Connor being trans because his therapist threatened to take Connor out of their home, and that would ruin their perfect image.

They were not okay with him being Gay.

At first, they thought he meant in the sense of being with a woman, which would be alright if he were a male, but then when he started wearing pride shirts and hoodies, they were furious. Connor couldn’t care less though.

When they found out that Connor was starting to date his friend Evan, they were pissed beyond hell. Although, they politely invited the blond over to meet him and see what he was like. They were not prepared for Evan to walk in dressed head to toe in rainbow pastel. Even his shoelaces were rainbow, and his eyeshadow was a beautifully done rainbow as well, with an extravagant white wing.

“H-Hi, I’m Connor’s B-Boyfriend… C-Can I g-go see him?” Evan said, smiling and showing off his pink painted lips. All Cynthia could do was let him pass.

When Evan walked into Connor’s room for the first time, he was surprised to see Connor also dressed in a full rainbow, just not pastel. They laughed at their unplanned coordination.

“Hey Ev!” Connor said, walking over to plant a kiss on Evan’s cheek. The shorter smiled and blushed, planting one back on the taller’s cheek, leaving a light pink print that Connor didn’t bother to wipe off.

They went downstairs when called and held hands under the table. They smiled at each other, a look of admiration in each pair. Larry cleared his throat.

“So, Evan, why are you dating Connor?” He asked, smiling tight-lipped.

“W-Well, he’s ext-extremely kind, and, um, he can e-easily calm m-me down. I-I don’t r-really care what h-he is, a-as long as h-he’s ha-happy. I-I love s-seeing him s-smile.” Evan said, blushing heavily.

“Is that so?” Larry said, a sudden dark look in his eye. Evan nodded. “Lily go pack your things.” He said, not looking at the teen who stared in shock. Connor stood up nevertheless, dragging Evan into his room to help him pack his things as best he could.

After he had filled two suit cases and a large box, he and Evan dragged his belongings out to Connor’s car and drove off, not looking back at the hell hole they had escaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I hope you guys have an amazing and wonderful day!!!! <3


	14. The Fluff?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much just fluff for a few chapters.

It had been a few weeks since Connor had moved in with Evan, and things were going along nicely. He slept on a blow-up bed in Evan’s room, and was treated fairly. He was even gifted a top surgery for his birthday in January. He was happy, and Evan was happy too.

Halloween was coming up fast, and Jared had a tendency to drag Evan out trick-or-treating, making him dress as a little kid with him. They get a bunch of candy, then go back to Jared’s and watch a bunch of Horror movies that Evan usually waits out in the bathroom.

This time however, Evan had Connor, and although Jared was still dragging them out, they could just act as his older brother and boyfriend or something. So, Evan and Connor decided to dress up as Cinderella and Prince Charming, Pastel/Punk style. Jared went as a mouse.

When the fateful Sunday arrived, the group met up at Jared’s and started going around the entire neighborhood. They got quite the haul, and brought it back to watch Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline.

The entire time, except during the cute parts of Nightmare, Evan was tucked into Connor’s side, just breathing in his scent and slowly drifting to sleep.

When he woke up, he was thrown for a loop to see that he was asleep in his bed with Connor cuddled into his side again. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, cringing when they felt dry.

He stood up and went to take them out and opt for his glasses. Luckily the school gave the day after Halloween off when it landed on a Sunday or weekday, so it could give the kids some rest after partying.

He crawled back into bed, waking Connor when he laid his head on the taller’s stomach. Connor smiled sleepily and started to doze off again, fingers playing lightly with the other’s hair.

“Lov ya.” He mumbled, finally drifting off. Evan blushed deeply and smiled. Although he did love Connor, he felt like he wasn’t able to say it back yet. Also, he didn’t think Connor realized it had come out of his mouth.

He left it as it was, and as the days filtered past, Thanks Giving break soon came, hitting the boys with a week to just relax and hang out before stuffing themselves with Heidi’s famous stuffing and graving.

“Hey Evan?” Connor asked on the Monday of break, when they were cuddled watching a movie in their room.

“Yeah Con?” Evan responded, looking over at the taller. They still hadn’t had their first kiss, and Connor wanted to change that so that they could so more intimate things.

Connor leaned forward and softly kissed Evan’s worried lips, giving him time and space to move back if he wanted. But Evan didn’t, so he kissed back, opening his mouth for Connor, letting the other explore the hot cavern. It was too hard to keep his lips shut when he was kissing Connor, and he just wanted to let Connor lead him in what to do.

When they had calmed down enough after their make-out session, they smiled and cuddled again, finishing whatever was left of the movie, which wasn’t much….

And they had started their first kiss somewhere in the middle of it too…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K, so, I've pretty much decided that at this point, it's just going to be important things that happen to them. Like in this chapter, first kissies.  
> Also, please, Ask away! I'll need any and all questions for the end of story Q&A~!  
> Anything, literally any question is a good question. In my family we say that 'there is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions!' <3  
> P.S. Don't worry, I assure you that you are all brilliant, I can prove it by saying that you've read this, and that is a smart move!


	15. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas parties, gifts, and promises.

______

December rolled in and the boys called Jared, Alana, and Zoe over to celebrate on Christmas Eve.

They set up a karaoke machine, and threw out a bunch of junk food. They threw out at least ten different Christmas movies of all genres, and pulled out games from different cultures as well. The door-bell rang as soon as they had settled on to the couch after finishing decorating.

Evan opened the door to see Jared standing with Alana and Zoe behind him. They were all holding presents and some sort of snacks. He welcomed them in and then sat down next to Connor as the others settled.

“So… What first?” Connor asked, already out of ideas, and they had Evan’s entire game closet and more set out in front of them. Everyone laughed and thought on the idea themselves.

“Maybe we can play truth or dare and then watch a movie before we open presents?” Jared said, smirking at Evan. He knew that Connor wanted to give Evan something special, and although he wouldn’t spill the beans, he was going to prolong the process… Just a butt, ahem, I mean bit… Yeah, that’s it.

They settled into a sloppy circle, Zoe and Alana cuddled on the Love seat, Connor and Evan laying on the couch, and Jared chillin’ on the floor. “Zoe! Truth or Dare,” Jared started off.

“Truth.” She quickly replied.

“What is your top three people who you would fuck.” Jared asked, laughing as Zoe blushed a deep red.

“I’ll only say the Initials. AB, SM, AC. I’m sure at least Connor knows who I mean…” The said teen smiled and wiggled his eye brows at her, making the younger Murphy blush. They had gotten closer on the mutual ground of being LGBTQ+.

“Alright! Connor, T or the D?” She said, making her brother blush and mumble dare. “I dare you to… Give Evan a lap dance!” She laughed, making both of the boys blush. They had established that you could only choose one option three times before doing the other option, and if you reject a truth or dare, you have to do one dare, as said by Evan, who was discovered to give the darkest and most interesting dares.

“O-Okay…” Connor said, slowly getting up to move onto Evan’s lap. Jared turned on Mr. Saxobeat and the two blushed and laughed awkwardly as Connor started to dance… On Evan’s lap.

This wasn’t quite new to the boys, who had tried to explore intimacy before, but they never got far. Thankfully, it was over quickly, and nothing embarrassing happened.

“So, Alana, my main gal? Truth or Dare?” Connor asked, still blushing. She laughed and went for a truth. “How do you know literally everything at school? Like even when half the Jazz band caught the flu and wasn’t at school one day, everyone knew from you within thirty minutes.”

“Oh, I’m really well connected. I knew at least a third of the people from classes I share with them, and they texted asking for homework, and I went to ask other people in their classes to send them homework.” Alana responded, smiling. “Jared, Truth or dare?” Jared grinned.

“DaRe BOi!” He yelled out, making the group start giggling.

“Go have Evan pick out an outfit for you from his clothes, then make an outfit for Evan. You both have to wear them.” Jared groaned, but got up and grabbed Evan, dragging him upstairs as Alana called to them. “DON’T FORGET THE MAKE-UP!”

It took thirty minutes, which was spent making jokes about how the two would look. When they came down, everyone was quiet and stared.

Jared was dressed in a dark red dress, with black leggings. The dress was strapless, and he had black fingerless gloves on. He was wearing a black lace choker, and had a deep red lipstick and red eyeshadow, a large cat eye of eyeliner as well. He was rocking a pair of black stilettoes.

Evan wore a mostly white outfit with little bits of a crystal blue, close in resemblance to Connor’s eyes. It was an angel sleeve dress, and had a collar that was the blue. It had a black lace up to the top of the collar, where it tied off in a bow around Evan’s neck. It ended in the middle of his thigh, and about two inches under were a pair of white socks, a ring of blue and a black ribbon tied at the top. He wore crystal blue flats, and his eyeshadow was the same colour with a black double wing. He had on a shade of white lipstick that really popped the rest of the make-up and outfit.

“Whoa…” Was all Connor could say as he stared at Evan. The blond blushed and looked down, showing that his hair was curled in tight loops. Jared’s was spiked up with a sort of red glitter gel in it. They sat down and Connor kissed Evan’s cheek, making the shorter blush heavily. Jared then turned to Connor.

“AYE! CoNnOR!” Jared said, but he was cut off from continuing.

“Dare, and don’t do that again.”

“I dare you to wait to give Evan the thing until midnight exactly!” Jared said grinning. Connor groaned but nodded.

“Evan.” Was all he said as he turned to the shorter.

“U-Uh, T-Truth.” The grey eyed boy stuttered out. Connor grinned.

“Would you let me fuck you with a strap-on?” Connor laughed when Evan tilted his head in confusion.

“What’s that?” Evan asked, a deep blush still on his face, assuming it had to do with sex, as Connor had said ‘let me fuck you’.

“It’s a dick a… not male body can put on to be dominate.” Jared said, laughing hysterically when Evan nodded slightly.

The game continued for another ten minutes before everyone got bored and started to watch a movie. It ended up being A Christmas Story. They ate almost half the food before the movie finished and they opened gifts.

Alana passed hers out first and everyone was ~~disappointed~~ to find that they all had journals that had hand-made covers for the person received. Jared gave everyone bath-bomb shaped gummies in their favourite flavours. Zoe gave everyone homemade snacks, and Connor passed out art that he made of what their first impressions were on him. Evan gave everyone friendship bracelets, and Connor the Pastel/Punk shirt he had gotten at Hot Topic so long ago.

Everyone ended up leaving sometime around 11:30, wanting to get back home and do whatever. Connor and Evan wished everyone a ‘Merry Christmas’ from the couch as they left the room.

When 11:55 hit, Connor stood up and stretched, then pulled Evan up and over into their room. Once there, Connor sat Evan down on the bed. “Evan, I, uh, want to ask you something… Kinda important.”

“Y-Yeah Con?” Evan responded, nervous if Connor was breaking up with him.

“Will you promise to marry me in the future? To always be mine?” Connor said, getting on one knee, and opening a box with two matching promise rings. Evan gasped, surprised that Connor would want that.

“Y-YES! Oh, oh, oh, my gosh! Oh my god! C-Connor! Yes, I, uhm, I promise!” Evan said, jumping on Connor, knocking them both to the floor. They laughed, and Connor slipped on their rings. They were simple yin/yang rings with each other’s birthstone on the ring where the little opposite coloured circles would have been.

They spent the night cuddling, giggling when they kissed, still high on the promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeyyyyyyy, sorry for the late update, I ended up staying up late and the twelve year old I babysit stole my computer.  
> Hope you enjoyed!! <3


	16. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years anyone?

Every day leading to the new year, Connor and Evan cuddled and watched movies, or played around, exploring each other. They giggled at nothing and everything, and when New Year’s Eve finally arrived, they headed over to Jared’s as he was holding a party to celebrate.

Jared’s parents were out of town, and had accidentally gone on their trip after they had bought a shit ton of alcohol five days before they left. This meant that New Years was going to be ‘fun’.

Connor had taken up to talking with Zoe, who’s relationship with him had greatly improved since he had moved in with Evan. Evan, on the other hand, was scrunched in a corner somewhere near the taller brunette, wondering how Jared knew so many people. There had to be more than thirty people all huddled around the living room, kitchen, and dining room.

“Hey, you’re lookin’ good!” Some guy said, walking over to Evan, who was wearing a pretty white smoke dress, patterned with small gold stars. His hair was tightly curled with a crown that was made of stars and clouds, and he wore a pair of white snow boots with a pair of gold leggings. “You here with somebody, sweet cheeks?” The guy said, putting an arm on one side of Evan, trapping him. The short boy whimpered, overcome with fear.

“Y-Yes…” He said in a small voice, nodding just in case it was too soft.

“Well, now you’re here with me! Why don’t we go upstairs and—Hey!” He was cut off by a pissed looking Connor, who had pulled Evan away from him.

“Sorry, _mister_ , he’s here with me.” Connor growled with a possessive arm around Evan’s waist. The man grumbled and wondered off somewhere. “You okay Ev?” Connor asked finally, turning to see the shorter boy looking at him with tears in his eyes. Evan shook his head, and Connor took that as a sign to retreat to a quiet place for a while. He started to scan for Jared.

Finally spotting him, he took Evan over to the shortest boy. “Jared, could we use your room? Evan needs to relax.” Jared looked at Connor skeptically, but shrugged.

“Just no sex. I swear if I go and even see a single dr-“

“Cool, thanks. And don’t worry, I’d never do that. You’re too gross.” Connor teased as he walked away, making Jared grin and laugh.

“Whatever!” With that, Connor took Evan up and locked the door behind the two, knowing Jared had a key to get in whenever.

“You okay Ev?” He said after a moment of just hugging as Evan cried into him. Evan shook his head again and pressed his face further into Connor’s chest. It took a moment, but Evan finally calmed down enough to say something.

“T-thank you… I-I d-don’t know w-what would h-have happened. I-I was so _scared_ , a-and I thought, b-but I l-love Connor, and w-what if he d-didn’t like m-me i-if something h-had h-ha-happened. I-I love you t-too much C-Connor!” He said, hugging Connor as close as he could.

“I-you- you love me?” Connor asked dumbfounded. “What-how-Evan- what do you mean?” He finally settled on something to say.

“I-uh, I l-love you…” Evan said, pulling away and thinking the worst.

They heard the cheers from downstairs as the people counted down. Evan was shrinking back to the wall, far from Connor. Connor could only stare, utterly in awe that this boy in front of him would even think of that idea. He watched Evan, listening to the people cheer as the clock struck midnight. Finally coming to attention, he realized that Evan was crying and having a panic attack.

He rushed over and quickly took the boy in his arms, trying to stay calm enough to help him. “No! Ev, don’t worry, I’m honored that you do!! Please, shh now, no need to cry.” Connor said, stroking Evan’s hair. “I-I just didn’t know what to say. As much as I do, um, like you too, I don’t think I’m ready to say that aloud. I do though! I swear it, I just, I never thought I could, and I’m not sure how to say it yet. I’m sorry I let you think the worst for even a second. I do like you though. You mean the world, forever.”

“I-I’m sor-sorry I caused y-you trouble.” Evan said, sniffling. Connor chuckled, and wiped the remaining tears from Evan’s face.

“You’re no trouble. In fact, trouble me more, I like worrying about you.” He said, kissing the blond’s cheek. The shorter giggled, making Connor laugh too.

They sat like idiots, in a bedroom, at a pretty big New Year’s party. But they loved it and had a grand old time, not caring about anything but the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me so far!!! <3


	17. The January!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leading up to Connor's birthday, Evan gets kind of distant, but more than makes up for it.

The rest of winter break was calm, and soon enough school started up again. With it being so cold still, Evan was bundled up in cute pastel knit sweaters and thick leggings with warm snow boots. This got him lots of attention, which was luckily diverted away from Connor glaring at anyone who stared at his sweet Boyfriend for longer than a second.

However, Connor’s birthday and surgery were quickly approaching, and he only had about two and a half weeks left. During this time, Connor felt Evan sort of, well, distancing himself. He became really secretive and whispered things to Jared when they thought Connor wasn’t looking.

He got really ticked off when he walked into his and Evan’s room, only to see the grey-eyed boy hurriedly stash something under their pillow.

“Evan, what the hell was that?” At this point, it was a day before his birthday, and he had grown sick of Evan avoiding him. Nevertheless, he gave Evan an accusatory smile.

“I-uh-I…” Evan looked down, trying to find his words. “I wanted to surprise you, b-but it k-kinda looks like there isn’t a w-way out.” Evan said sighing. He pulled a small book out from under the bed. “Jared was helping me p-plan something c-cool for your birthday-“

“Okay, stop there.” Connor said, not wanting to know more until tomorrow. “Just… I don’t know, don’t worry me that much? I thought that you were, I don’t know, done with me. I was just worried and when you did that, I couldn’t take it. But I don’t want to ruin your fun.” He said, moving to give Evan a kiss, not even glancing at the book he wanted to see. “I’ll be downstairs making something hot. I’ll make you some tea, yeah? Come down when you’re done.” He smiled before leaving.

“I have one amazing boyfriend…” Evan said, choking on air when he heard Connor laugh and call back from the hall.

“DAMN GAY BOI!” Evan groaned but laughed along with his boyfriend.

The next morning, when Connor woke up, Evan was nowhere to be found. He shot up, panicked, only to see something fall onto his lap from his forehead. He picked it up and saw it was a dark green, tree shaped sticky note. On it were words written in white-out pen, which Connor knew Evan had a million of.

‘ _Connor,_

 _So don’t panic, but I’m where your present is, which isn’t_ too _far. Anyway, go downstairs.’_

Happily, Connor got up and dressed in some sweats and his hoodie. He made his way downstairs to be greeted with a delicious breakfast laid out with a note next to it.

‘ _You will need the energy! ; )’_

Connor blushed and laughed, quickly eating. He put his plate in the sink and turned to see a note on the table where his plate was.

‘ _You always put your plate in the sink._

_Anyway, go out front to your car.’_

And so, he did. When he got there, he saw that his windshield was covered in the green notes, spelling out ‘ _Prom?_ ’ Connor grinned, laughed, and started walking to the school, as all of the notes had said to meet him there.

When he got there, he saw Jared sitting on the steps with a basket. “You’ll needed it. Also go to the Mall.” Was all he got before the shortest walked away. And so, he was off again.

At the Mall, Alana and Zoe were waiting for him. They dragged him to a few different places, getting him punk versions of pastel clothes. He was quickly forced to change, and Alana sat behind him on a bench braiding his hair, while Zoe sat in front of him doing his makeup. When they finished, they sent him off with a wink and the word ‘Orchard’.

Once more, he went.

When he finally made it there, he laughed when he saw a trail of stars leading him farther in. He wandered through the forest, smiling as he read little love notes from the blond. He grinned when he saw the lay-out of a large oak from a bit aways. He could see that it was the sole tree that was lit up, and he wondered what lights were strung in it.

He was just so happy, and as the sun glowed with the last hour or three of light, he arrived at his destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES IT IS A CLIFFY, LOVE ME TILL I DIE!!!! <3


	18. The Birthday!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday fluff!  
> And 'I love you's

Connor was stunned at the beautiful sight he saw. Lanterns or star shaped fairy lights lit the whole area. It was beautiful.

He slowly walked up to the tree, where a big, pastel blue blanket was resting on the grass. On it was a single sticky note.

‘ _Turn around’_

And of course, he did.

And when he did, he saw Evan grinning at him like he was the only thing in the universe he cared about.

“Evan?” And all of a sudden, he blinked and Evan was hugging him like there was no tomorrow. “Ev, what’s all this??” He asked, pulling away when Evan kissed his cheek.

“Y-You d-don’t like it? I-It was for your b-birthday…” Evan muttered, looking to the ground dejected.

‘Shit.’ Connor thought. He quickly lifted Evan’s face and gave him a peck. “It’s not that, it’s just… Why do all of this for me? I’m just a crappy boyfriend, who can’t even say the best thing back to his boyfriend.”

“Because I think you a-are amazing, and no one c-could replace you in my life. I-I mean, like, you don’t care that I’m clingy, or that I ramble, and you think I’m cute, and I love you for who you are, not what people think you are, and I don’t really even care about what people think anymore because I-I have you, and that’s all I need. It’s really just-“ He had taken a moment to look away somewhere in his monologue, and when he turned back, he saw Connor crying. “Are you okay?!?! I didn’t do an-anything to offend you? Did I s-say something wrong or?” He said, hurriedly brushing away tears. Connor chuckled at his concern.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just so honored and blessed to have been given you as my one and only. God damnit, I’m going to be a sap, but I think I can say it. I love you too, Ev.” Connor said, smiling softly and snorting as Evan started to cry too.

“Y-You didn’t have to say that!” Evan said, sniffling but smiling nonetheless. Connor put his hands-on Evan’s cheeks and squished them.

“I don’t want you to feel unloved Baby! And I do love you. I can’t deny it.” Connor said, placing a kiss on Evan’s puffed out cheeks.

“Connor!” Evan groaned. He started giggling when light kisses pressed on his face. “Come on, let’s sit down. Everything is in the basket!” He said, finally pulling away.

The two moved to the blanket, taking off their shoes as they sat down. Connor opened the basket and started pulling things out.

The first one was the book from the night before. It turned out to be a scrap book of a bunch of fun moments that Evan or Connor had taken pictures of. Then after that was a Gay Pride shirt, and much to Connor’s amusement, it was pastel.

They went through the rest of it, and at the bottom were some delicious looking Peanut Mango Sandwiches and Sparkling Cider.

They sat and talked, for most of the time, cuddled in each other’s arms.

When it had gotten late enough, Evan and Connor packed what they could into the basket and started their walk home. It was sometime around 12 when they got back.

Immediately, Evan went to bed, tired from waiting around all day. And although Connor was tired too, he pulled out a secret box that he kept his most prized possessions in.

He slipped in the scrap book Evan got him and went through the other gifts. There was a pair of earrings that were both a pastel rainbow and a regular one. Another gift was a charm that Connor smiled just looking at it. It was a little key with the words ‘I lov’ on it. Evan had the other charm, and it was a lock with ‘e you’, and when you put them together, they opened to a beautiful picture of them together.

Lastly was definitely Connor’s favourite. It was a small book with the title of ‘What I Love About You! ~A to Z~’. He loved just looking at it.

However, he wouldn’t have time to read it until after the surgery tomorrow. So he climbed into bed, snuggled into Evan, and drifted to sleep, smiling as the boy cuddled into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to post this at Midnight Thirty!!! T^T its my favourite time!!  
> Anyway, two things, I won't be able to post on Tuesday due to a Drivers Test, and other plans.  
> AND I MADE A TUMBLR BLOG FOR ASKS AND CUTE COMMENTS FOR CHARACTERS REACTIONS!!!   
> Check it out my sizzles! <3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	19. The Reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is where it goes wrong.

The next morning, Heidi, Evan, and Connor made their way to the surgeon who would deliver Connor's Top surgery. When they arrived at the office, Connor and Heidi filled out the necessary information, and Connor was called back.

It was a few hours before Evan would see Connor, and during the time he filled in the pages of his journal. But for some reason, he had the feeling something was going to happen. He just didn't know what.

When it was finally time to go and see Connor, Evan rushed to the taller boy's side, quickly holding the other's hand. "Hey Ev!" Connor greeted, smiling.

"How do you feel?" Evan asked, brushing a kiss to Connor's hand.

"Flat and achey." Connor joked, laughing lightly. They sat and talked until Connor was allowed to go home. They piled into the car, and started on their way home.

However, Heidi was too late in seeing a truck run the red light...

And Evan woke up to his alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a crappy ass day, but I'm better now, and I'm uploading!!! Hope you all like the chapter! Also Don't forget that there is a Tumblr to ask me or the characters things if you're curious and don't want to wait till the Q&A!!!  
> Also it's a pretty short chapter. Buckle in kids, this is going to be longer than planned!  
> <3<3<3


	20. The Third Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Damn." Was all Connor could say about this confident pastel boy.

Evan started crying.

No, he was sobbing. He was happy there! And for god’s sake, what did he do to deserve this! But now here he was, back at the start once again.

After taking a moment to calm down, he put on his glasses and looked to his desk. On it were the two notebooks from the last playthrough. So, he realized, every time he dies he gets reset. And these notebooks were his only proof of the last play throughs…

He wiped away his remaining tears and got up. He threw on a pastel blue shirt and some pastel yellow jeans, not caring about the comments he was sure to get. He made sure to be careful of his cast this time, since now he knew it would be there.

He went downstairs after moving all his books to his white backpack, and saw his mom at the table with a bowl of cereal set out for him. She looked up and gasped, smiling.

“Oh, I’m proud of you already!!” She gushed. “And have you written those letters to yourself? Dear Evan Hansen, today’s going to be a good day and here’s why? It’ll boost your confidence!” She asked, smiling widely.

“I started one, and I’ll finish it at school.” He said, finishing his food.

“Hey, maybe you could have the other kids sign your cast?” She said, pushing a sharpie into his hands. He nodded mindlessly and stood up.

“I’m going now. I’ll see you later.” He said, walking to the door.

“Okay honey! And there’s some money for dinner tonight. I’m working late and then have classes tonight.” She said as Evan opened the door.

“Okay.” He quietly responded, walking out.

When he arrived, he was already receiving stares from his peers. Some were glares, others were looks of want.

He went over to his locker to see Jared staring shocked at him. “Evan, dude, what the hell are you wearing?” He asked the blond.

“Clothes.” Evan replied shortly. But the shortest was already looking elsewhere when he said his next words.

“Yo! Connor! Lookin’ good! Love the new hairstyle, very school shooter chic!” Evan turned, snapping his locker shut, scaring both Connor and Jared.

“Oh, shut up Jared. Nobody cares that you have so little self-esteem that you have to pick on others. You could have just let me wear what I wanted, but nooo, you have to make a snarky comment. You could have just left Connor alone, but nooooo, you have to be an ASSHOLE.” Evan snapped, moving to grab Connor’s wrist. “Come get me when you can be a decent human being.” He said, dragging Connor away.

“Damn.” Was all Connor could say about this confident pastel boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! I know that last chapter broke hearts, and I have to say i still don't know how this happened, but here we are again!  
> Also! Don't forget that I love you and I love you all an INSANELY bunch times more when you comment or ask on tumblr!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com  
> <3 Love y'all and until next time!!! <3


	21. The Computer Lab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His last words before moving into the mindset of this play through were, "I love you so much..."

“I’m sorry about Jared.” Evan said as they walked into the Computer lab.

“It’s alright I guess. That was really cool, what you did back there, I mean... For me. Your name is Evan Hansen, right?” Connor said, leaning on a desk. Evan nodded, starting to zone out staring at Connor. “You okay man?” Connor asked when he finally got creeped out. Evan snapped back into reality.

“Yeah, sorry… I just… Never thought I’d actually get to talk to you.” Evan said, looking away so Connor didn’t see his blush. However, it was in vain, and Connor frowned.

“Did you say that to him because you like me? Because if that’s the case you can fuck righ-“

“NO! No, no, no, no, no.” Evan quickly cut him off. “I mean, it’s not the only reason. I was fed up with his bullying, and he needed to learn a lesson. But, I mean, I do l-like you, it’s just mostly for a different reason? Not that it wasn’t a factor. I like you for you though. A-And, like, I’m sorry I’m rambling. I do that sometimes…” Evan stumbled, looking down.

“That’s alright.” Connor said softer. He had calmed down, and actually though Evan’s ramble was adorable. “Could I… Sign your cast, maybe?”

“I-If you want to..” Evan said, handing him the sharpie his mom gave him nonetheless.

Connor gently pulled Evan’s arm to him and signed his name in large block letters on the starch white plaster. Then, taking his arm and sharpie back, Evan took Connor’s arm and wrote his phone number on the pale skin of Connor’s hand.

“So you can, um, like, text me. I’d like us to be friends.” Evan blushed, realizing what he said. “Oh! I mean, only if you want to, because you don’t have to, and this is just kind of awkward now. I’m sorry, but I just really think you’re cool and I really like you. So… Yeah.” He stopped when he heard Connor laugh. He sat in awe at how beautiful it was.

“I’ll text you Hansen. Don’t worry.” He paused a moment. “And I think your rambling is adorable.” Connor stood up and went to open the door. “I’ll see you later Evan.” And then he was gone.

Evan stood a moment before collapsing to the floor in tears. “I’m so sorry.” He begged, wondering why he deserved the pain he went through. Why did he have to leave Connor after they were so happy… It was Code Red in his first play through, Code Orange in the last one, so what does Code Yellow mean? Will he still die? Does Connor still die? What about Jared, and his Mom? What happens in this life that he had to die to see?

“I still love you Connor… I always will…” He sobbed.

What did he do? Why is this happening to HIM. What makes him so special? Is it his love for Connor, that even in the first play through he liked him? How in the second one, he got to be with him? Will this continue until his rainbow is done? Will Code Purple be the last one? Three or even four more times of this… He’ll go insane before he makes to the end.

Evan stayed crouched in a corner of the computer lab until first period was over and he had calmed down enough to be presentable. His last words before he moved into the mindset of this play through were, “I love you so much…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the recent chapters have been shorter, but it flows better in the long run, trust me. The chapter lengths will fluctuate for a while. ALSO! There was an ask in a comment on here, and I'm sure that the person who wrote it is just dying to get an answer, so I'm going to answer it on Tumblr, and also when the Q&A for this comes out. Its just that this is soooooo much longer than planned, so I'm going to give you a little leeway for it ;)  
> LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!  
> Tumblr: zoiasks.tumblr.com


	22. The Night Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this friendship would be a good thing for him.

After school, Evan waited for Connor by the old pick-up truck. When the brunet finally walked up, he was surprised to see the Pastel teen leaning against the hood.

“Hansen? What are you doing?” Connor asked, walking to stand in front of the short teen.

“Oh, so this is the right car… I uh, I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out? I-I’ve got a Wii and we can order Pizza?” Evan asked, trying to be calm. He was still hurting from the last play through, but decided to try and move on. He needed to see where this one went.

“Yeah, hop in I guess. Just… give me the directions to your house okay?” Connor said, unlocking the car and going to the driver’s side of the car. Evan nodded and got in.

When they got to the Hansen household, they quickly sat down on the couch and started playing Kirby’s Epic Yarn. They played for a few hours before ordering the pizza, and Evan went and got it. He wanted to improve his anxiety if he was going to continuously reset.

When he sat back down, he and Connor demolished the pizza, watching a movie on Netflix. It totally wasn’t Who Framed Roger Rabbit, no, why would it be?

When the movie had just about finished, Evan realized that Connor had fallen asleep. He smiled gently, but woke him up so he could go change into something more comfortable, aka a sweatshirt and some sweats.

After Connor had finished changing, he came out to the living room to see the couch pulled out into a bed, and Evan, in his own pajamas, curled up at the head asleep. Connor smiled softly at the short boy and carefully pulled the comforter around Evan. He grabbed his phone, sighing at all the messages Zoe had left him.

He jumped when his phone started ringing in his hand. He quickly answered it and stepped out of the room to talk. “Hello?” He asked into the receiver.

“CONNOR! Where the hell are you??” Zoe practically yelled at him.

“I’m at a friend’s house. I’m staying the night.” He responded in a quiet voice. He didn’t want to wake Evan.

“Mom and Dad are flipping out. You do know that you had a therapy session today, right?” Connor cussed, he had completely forgot.

“I forgot. Shit and it was supposed to be about getting me top surgery. Fuck my life!” He heard Zoe laugh.

“They aren’t ever going to pay for that you know.” She said, almost sadly.

“Yeah, well, they also think I’m high most of the time, and so do you. You have no right to defend yourself. I take one medication, and suddenly I’m always high.” He joked, earning a laugh. “It just sucks, it fucking sucks that they won’t accept me. They wanted a perfect family, and if I was an actual guy, maybe we would be. I mean, if they were going to make me be a girl for most of my life, why not name me something cool, like Zoe.”

“My name isn’t all that Connor, you know that.”

“But it’s Greek, and that’s cool.” He said, smiling longingly into the phone. It was very rare for the two Murphy siblings to get along. “Well, the only thing that got them to at least tolerate me was Mrs. Julius. Well, I’m going to head to bed… Would you mind dropping of a bag of clothes for me in the morning?”

“Yeah, text me the address. Whose house are you at anyway?” Zoe finally asked, becoming curious.

“Evan Hansen.” Was all he said before hanging up. He texted her the address, and silenced his phone before going to bed, trying not to pay attention to the fact that he was so close to the sleeping blond.

Maybe this friendship would be a good thing for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~! So this chapter is bringing up a snip from one of the older chapters, like twelve back. It was brought to my attention that I worded something kinda... wrongly??? It came off to one person that I meant it in a bad way, when it was mostly me just pushing my parent's opinions into the story through Larry and Cynthia. So I hope that this make them a little happy, and know that eventually, with my longer-than-I-thought-it'd-be story, that both topics will be brought up again and be put into a better perspective!  
> Anyway, love you guys and I hope you enjoyed!!!  
> <3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	23. The Outfit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because if an outfit could trigger a memory, then what would a kiss do?

Evan woke up feeling extremely comfortable. He hadn’t felt like this since the last time he and Connor slept on the water bed together.

His eyes slowly fluttered open to be met with the beautiful grey-blue of Connor’s eyes. “Ahhh!” Evan shrieked as he backed away from the taller male. “Imsosorryimsorryimsososososorry!!” He gushed out, falling off the couch. Connor laughed as Evan sat up and continued apologizing.

“It’s fine Hansen. Calm down. It was no harm done.” Connor chuckled. “Anyway, Zoe should be here soon to drop off my clothes.” He said, standing up and stretching, making the sweatshirt ride a bit. Evan stared at the exposed skin for a moment before shaking his head and getting up.

“I-I’m going to go up and change. I’ll be right back.” He said, rushing upstairs to change. Connor laughed again before hearing a soft knock on the door. He went and opened it, quickly taking the bag with a muttered thanks before shutting the door again. He went to the restroom and changed into the plain black clothes that Zoe had brought him, thankful she slipped a binder in as well.

After he was done getting ready, he walked out to smell cinnamon. We walked into the kitchen, putting his hair up in a bun, to see Evan making French Toast. “It smells good Hansen.” Connor said, flopping into a chair at the table. He eyed the pink skirt that Evan was wearing carefully, as to not get caught. It fit him nicely and showed off his curves, and gracefully fell around his cute bottom. He looked away when Evan turned around, pretending to pick at his chipped nail polish.

The shirt Evan was wearing was a pastel orange that faded into a similar pink as the skirt, and the knee-high socks that Evan wore were the same pastel orange as the top of the shirt. Connor had the feeling he’d seen that same outfit on the teen before somehow…

“Have you worn that around me before?” Connor asked, thinking out loud. Evan paused in the middle of setting down the plate of toast.

“Not… That I know of?” Evan questioned. “Why?” He watched Connor shrug.

“It just seemed familiar.” He said, taking from the plate Evan had finally set down.

“Oh.” Was all Evan could reply with.

Somehow, Connor remembered something from the last play through. Does that mean that it was all the same thing over and over again, just that when he dies it resets? Could he strike a memory in Connor to make him also remember the last play through?

This was something Evan wanted to experiment with, because if an outfit could trigger a memory, then _what would a kiss do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say today! I just hope you enjoy!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	24. The Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Evan Knew...  
> He was so fucked.

After the boys had finished eating, they headed out of the house and to the school, taking Connor’s car. They quickly split ways at Evan’s locker, where he wasn’t surprised to see Jared leaning against it.

“Hey Evan…” Jared trailed off, taking a moment to make a confused face to Evan’s outfit. “I wanted to apologize. I seriously have no right to pick on you or Connor… I just… You’re literally my only friend, and… I only make fun of you because that’s how I cope with having parents who choose to ignore their child. I’m sorry.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “And tell Connor that his hair is actually pretty cool. It reminds me of an assassin.” Jared said, making Evan snort.

“You are _such_ a nerd. But i-it’s cool. I-I actually want to t-talk to you about something. I-It kinda has to do with y-your theories, I guess…” Evan said, taking out the books he needed from his locker. The two headed to Evan’s first class, and Evan sat towards the back, doodling for the majority of the period. At lunch, he found Connor and Jared and took them both to the trees that they had hung out at in the last play through. He was sort of trying to spark some memories, and sort of trying to just be in a private area to talk to the two. He had packed all three of his notebooks, as he started his third this morning, of course in yellow. He pulled out the red and orange ones.

“Um, so I wanted t-to talk to you g-guys about something.” He said, unsure about how to say it. He decided to tell them it was a dream. “I started writing down this weird dream. I ended up giving the notebooks names. Code Red and Code Orange.” He told them, looking between their faces.

Jared was the first to respond, reading through the first book. “A) this is super weird and B) what’s with the names? I mean, Corey and Jeremy? Are these a reference to us?” He asked. Evan gave a meek nod.

“They were so vivid, and every time I died it went back to yesterday. The first day of school. In the first one, Connor commits suicide, and my therapy note was seen as his note. I then couldn’t take the pressure of everything crumbling down around me and killed myself. And then I woke up and lived through Code Orange… Connor and I h-had started d-dating in that one. And we fought for a longer time Jared…” Connor was looking through Code Orange, and he read something that he made a face to.

“’He was transgender and that made me like him more’?? What the hell does that mean?”

“Oh, I think it meant that I liked you more because you could be yourself. A-And you helped me gain enough confidence to be myself with my pastel… I just- I just saw you as a brave person, and that you didn’t care what others thought. You just wanted to be you. It inspired me…” Evan said, looking away. He was trying his hardest to play off the dream story at this point.

“Oh.” Was all Connor said in response. He wouldn’t admit that he sorta felt like what was in Code Orange actually happened. Even down to the car crash that seemed to be hastily filled in compared to the rest of the pages. And how Evan had written the feelings and thoughts he had in the dream sort of felt like they were real.

“When I woke up yesterday, I was crying. It was too real…” Evan said, not wanting to admit his feelings for Connor so soon. It was honestly too soon for Evan to even think about dating. Even if it was with Connor.

“Evan,” Jared said, catching both of the teen’s attentions. “Are you positive these were dreams?” Evan paused. Did Jared remember? “Because you could actually be living these months over again.” Evan took a breath, unsure if it was relief or irritation.

“I’m not sure. The only way to check would be to kill myself or die somehow.” Evan said bitterly. He looked away from Jared, accidentally making eye contact with Connor. The taller mouthed an ‘are you okay?’ towards the blond. Evan took another breath and shook his head no.

“Hey, Jared. I need to talk to Evan about something in here. You mind leaving for the rest of lunch?” Connor said bluntly to Jared, making the shortest shrug and stand up. The brunette gave a salute before walking off to his next class.

Connor turned back to Evan. “I am trans… It’s weird that you wrote that in the book.” Evan shrugged and looked away. “I-If it was real… Do you still have-?” Evan cut Connor off with a sharp nod.

“I don’t think I ever liked Zoe like in Code Red… I’ve always… ya’know.” Evan sighed. “It was real. Because I wrote both of those in Code Orange. This is the third time I’ve been to the second day of school. Twice now with you… Once without. I-I’m not sure if everything is too soon, or if I’m ready to just get on with everything. I’m not sure how many times I’m going to go through this.” Evan said, pulling his knees up into himself. “I’m so scared that I’m going to die again… I don’t even know when it will happen.”

In that moment, an announcement filled the schoolyard, just loud enough for Evan and Connor to make out.

“THE SCHOOL IS NOW IN A LOCKDOWN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THERE IS A SHOOTER ON CAMPUS. GET SOMEWHERE SAFE.”

And Evan knew…

He was _so_  fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *EVIL LAUGHTER FILLS THE ROOM*  
> I'm so sorry, it happened, but less on accident this time!  
> Also I got some cute glasses that I'm sure Evan would fight me for. One is a pastel peach colour, the other is a light blus mixed with grey and they look kinda pastel!  
> Anyway! I hope you guys cried, and also enjoyed.  
> Ask any one a question on the tumblr! Even me! OR EVAN!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	25. The Not-So-Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was too much information to handle awake.

It took Connor exactly three seconds to realize what was happening. He responded by pulling him and Evan up and to the fence, which they were extremely close to. He hid behind a tree, pulling Evan close to him, as the shorter teen was still trying to figure out what was happening. When a sob sounded from Evan, Connor reflexively put a hand over the blond’s mouth. There was an accomplice right near them, and he had been about to walk away.

The two were silent as Connor watched the man carefully. The man finally decided the area was clear and started moving back to the front of the school. Now that it was clear, all the two had to do was make it over the fence. Connor helped Evan carefully climb the tree, which was made difficult by the cast. Once the other had made it to the other side, Connor climbed over and joined him.

Taking Evan’s hand, they sprinted around the small barrier of trees and down the way to the parking lot. Connor made sure no one was around, then the two made their way to Connor’s truck. They quickly got in and drove off before any of the shooters could do anything. They drove, and drove until Connor deemed it safe to stop. By this point, the fleeting feeling of being safe had filled Evan and he was crying.

Connor took a moment to access the situation and took the opportunity to pull the shorter boy into a hug over the center console. He heard Evan laugh after a solid ten minutes. “What’s up?” Connor asked, concerned for the shorter teen’s sanity, not that his was the best either.

“We should move to the back, the center thing is hurting my stomach from how tight you’re hugging me.” Evan giggled, tears still falling down his face. Connor nodded and let Evan climb to the back before following. Once back there he pulled Evan into his lap to give the other a better hug.

“Are you okay?” Connor asked softly when he felt Evan finally calm down. He wanted to make sure since they were about an hour away from the school. In fact, they were at the Autumn Smile Apple Orchard, which was abandoned years ago.

“Mmmhm.” Was all he got in response as Evan pushed his face into Connor’s neck. This was something he and Code Orange Connor did when one of them was in a bad mood or sad. It also made Evan fall asleep faster.

“Evan?” Connor asked, lightly shaking the shorter teen, making Evan groan.

“Shhh, sleepy. I’m sleepy Con.” He muttered, pushing himself even closer to the tall brunet, making him blush. Connor sighed and finally decided on laying Evan across the back with a spare blanket he had in his truck. He got into the driver’s seat and started up the car again. He started the drive back to Evan’s house, once in a while looking back to check on Evan at red lights.

When they finally got back, he picked Evan up carefully and brought him inside to a pacing Heidi.

“Ohthankgodhe’sokay!” She gushed, rushing up to Connor and bringing Evan’s face gently into her hands. It made the blond’s nose scrunch up, which Connor definitely didn’t think was adorable. “Did you help him escape?” Heidi finally asked, after making sure Evan was alright from in Connor’s arms. He nodded shyly.

“Yes Ma’am.” He said, carefully walking over to the still pulled out couch to set Evan on it. Just as he was about to back away to talk with Heidi more, Evan grabbed his hand, and gently pulled, trying to get him to lay with him. Connor couldn’t resist and sat down, allowing Evan to lay his head on his lap and burrow his face into the taller’s stomach.

“Thank you so much!” Heidi said when she realized the situation and moved to sit in a chair nearby and in Connor’s vision. “You must have done a lot for him to be that comfortable with you.” She smiled. They took a moment to talk about what happened before Heidi stood to make tea.

As soon as she walked away, Connor looked down to where his fingers were gently brushing Evan’s soft hair. He took a second to realize he was making eye contact with watery grey eyes. “Shh, Evan what’s wrong?” He asked when he realized Evan was crying. He took the shorter boy into his arms and cradled him. It felt oddly familiar and he felt extremely comfortable and in like with the grey eyed angel in front of him.

“I just miss you… When I feel asleep, I was d-dreaming of one of the days we were j-just cuddling…” Evan said as calmly as he could with his shaking voice. Connor continued to calm Evan down, shushing him softly and running his fingers through soft blond hair.

Connor paused after Evan was calm and had his eyes closed in soft bliss. “Could I…” Connor shook his head and looked back to Evan. He was met with dilated grey eyes. He bit his lip. “Could I kiss you?” He finally got out. He just wanted to know everything Evan knew about Code Orange. It would explain his feelings about this boy who he’d known personally for just over 24 hours.

He watched Evan nod, and took a breath before leaning down to softly connect their lips.

Connor pulled back with a large groan as he blacked out. There was too much information to handle awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was writing this, and I realized it felt like if I ended my poor blond boy now, that it'd be too soon. So here we go!  
> Also I was watching some Chuggaconroy (Kirby's Epic Yarn of course) and it may have taken a little longer to write than necessary, sooooooo......  
> "MUSH MUSH MUSH MUSH!!!" A quote from Chuggaconroy!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	26. The Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this colour code would be less stressful now.

When Connor woke up, he was laying on the couch with Evan curled up into his side. There were tears streaming down his own face, lightly blurring his vision. He wiped them away and gently placed an arm on Evan’s side, softly rubbing circles into the flesh that was showing from the shirt ridding up on him. Evan shot up when he felt the movement. There was a breath before anything was said.

“Connor.” Evan said, looking at the brunet with wide eyes, not sure what he was hoping for.

“Hey Ev, what happened?” It took Connor a moment to piece his memories together. He remembered the crash, and then waking up confused as to why he was back in his bed with a huge emptiness in his memories. He remembered kissing Evan, and blacking out as all of the memories filled themselves in. “We went back… Evan what the hell is happening?” Connor spoke, lightly panicking.

“Connor!” Evan cried, flinging himself onto the taller teen. He was crying again and Connor could only wrap his arms around the short teen. “I-I’m s-so glad!” Connor calmed down and chuckled lightly.

“It’s okay now… We’re here together. We just have to make sure you and I don’t die okay?” In that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. They heard Heidi go and get it, letting in whoever was there.

“Evan!” They heard someone say. They both turned around to see Jared, Alana, and Zoe. “We-We remembered. What the FUCK is happening?” Jared said, marching over and plopping in front of the two on the mattress. Zoe and Alana followed, both clutching onto the other as they sat down opposite of the boys on the open space still left on the mattress.

“I-I don’t k-know. I-I-I just-“ Evan took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and prevent a panic attack. Connor rubbed light circles into his back, helping him calm down.

“It seems that every time both Evan and I die, the time resets. We have to keep us from dying, or even just getting hurt. We don’t know what’s causing it.” Connor explained to the group. “By the way what happened at school?”

“Well, the shooters scouted the school, asking around for Evan. It was so freaky. When they couldn’t find you, they left.” Jared explained. “They didn’t kill anyone, although a few were injured.”

“They’re giving us two weeks off school to calm down and investigate what is happening. I expect you’ll see the police here in a few days.” Alana spoke, hugging Zoe to her chest. The two seemed to have a connection of some sort.

“W-Why don’t we just… Watch some cartoons? Or a musical? We just need t-to calm down and r-relax.” Evan suggested to the group as tension filled the air. Everyone nodded just as Heidi brought in warm drinks and snacks for the teens.

“I heard you guys were all going to watch some tv. Why not stay the night? It’d probably be better after everything…” Heidi said, the teens understanding that she remembered Code Orange as well.

Everyone nodded and settled into a space somewhere in the living room with a drink. Zoe and Alana settled on the love seat with a bowl of popcorn, Jared with a bowl on the armchair, and Connor and Evan with a big bag of skittles on the pull-out sofa.

They watched a few shows and a movie before the las of them finally fell into the pools of sleep.

Hopefully this colour code would be less stressful now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've literally been watching Gravity Falls and I've been hooked... I'm so late. Anyway! I wanted to mention I have a picture of Mike and Ben as my home screen and every time I turn my phone on I die a little...  
> I hope you like this light-ish chapter <3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	27. The More Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, god, these two weeks were not going to be good for either of the two boys insomnia…
> 
> But at least they’d be with each other!

When Evan woke up, he was surprised to see the living room clear of people. The only person still there was Connor, who was latched onto the short blond. There was a note on the coffee table, that he could barely make out since his contacts were dry from not taking them out before sleeping.

‘Evan and Connor,

You guys wouldn’t wake up and it was already noon by the time we all got up, so we just ended up leaving.

Jared, Alana, Z<3e’

Evan sighed and snuggled back into Connor, trying to forget about his contacts for a little longer in exchange for a few more minutes of sleep. He was extremely happy that everyone remembered what happened, and he even had his Connor back, which was even better.

“Evie… I don’t want to get up…” Connor mumbled as he woke up.

“Me neither, but I have to take out my contacts…” Connor groaned, but let Evan get up. When Evan came back, which was longer than originally planned since he opted to take a shower as well, Connor had set up a plate of Peanut Mango Toast, sausage, and roast potatoes. There were also two glasses of milk.

“Come here Babe.” Connor said, still obviously tired. “Oh, and Heidi had to leave for work while you were in the shower.” Evan nodded and made his way back over to Connor, sitting in the taller teen’s lap.

“Okay, but today I just want to cuddle and relax...” Evan said, leaning back into the teen.

“Okay Evie. We can do that… But, you wanna go get some marshmallows?” Evan turned around and grinned, kissing Connor.

“Duh. First one to the door gets to choose what size!” He laughed, standing up to start running. He was stopped when he felt Connor grab him around the waist and lift him up.

“Oh, no you don’t!” The two laughed for a few minutes before actually going outside and to the store. They got a bunch of snack foods and drinks, then headed back home to cuddle and watch movies. They didn’t really acknowledge that it was about 4:30 when they got up, and now it was sometime around 7.

They settled down with the coffee table filled to the brim with snacks and cuddled and snacked, and laughed until sometime around four in the morning.

Oh, god, these two weeks were not going to be good for either of the two boys insomnia…

But at least they’d be with each other!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just fluff. You're all going to need it for the next update. Also I'm taking like two or three days off, since I won't be home tomorrow, and I might have to babysit Saturday. But don't worry I'll be back with more angst. I promise. It doesn't stay like this long! *EXTREMELY LOUD AND TERRIFYINGLY EVIL LAUGHTER COMING FROM A DISCLOSED LOCATION*  
> I love you all and don't forget I have an asks page on tumblr!!!!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	28. The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor eventually pulled Evan into his embrace and the two trembled together, terrified of what was to come.

Connor woke up to a loud knock coming from the front door. He shifted Evan, who was also waking up, off him to go and open the door. He reached for the handle and paused, looking out the peephole. He started trembling when he saw who it was. He slowly backed away from the door and ran to Evan.

“Evan!” He whispered, dragging him upstairs silently.

“Connor?” Evan asked, being shushed. “Connor who was it?” He whispered as Connor found the attic stairs and pulled them down as quietly as possible. He remembered one time when Evan told him that the attic was kept clean and stocked for emergencies.

“The shooters.” Was all he said as the door continued to be pounded on. All was quiet as the two scurried up the stairs, pulling it up and locking it into place. Luckily, Heidi had the attic stairs made so it blended almost seamlessly in with the ceiling. You would only know where to look if you were told.

Also luckily, the entire attic was sound proof, but the two teens still moved as quietly as possible to the large pile of blankets and pillows. They quickly hid in the pile, making sure to make it look like they weren’t there just in case.

Three hours passed before the teens deemed it safe to come out from their blanket fort. There were cameras installed around the house and connected to Heidi’s phone and the attic computer. They booted it up and looked through all the cameras. They couldn’t see anyone, but didn’t take any risks. Instead they stayed up in the attic.

Evan remembered he had stuffed his and Connor’s phones into his pocket and took them out. He texted his mom about what happened and to not come home and to ask for advice. She just texted that she would call the police.

Connor eventually pulled Evan into his embrace and the two trembled together, terrified of what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHORT UPDATE TODAY LONG ASS ONE TOMORROW!!! *EVIL LAUGHTER!!!!* ALSO 11:59 on sunday!!!! <3<3


	29. The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll see you two soon… Hopefully.”

The two ended up falling asleep and were woken up to a light knocking on the attic door. Evan recognized it as ‘shave and a haircut’ and knew it was Heidi, but it wasn’t the okay signal. It was the one that meant something was wrong. Evan put a finger his lips so that the two could listen.

“See they aren’t up there. If they were, Evan would have responded. There isn’t another way in there. They must have fled when the house was empty.” Evan could barely hear Heidi say. They could hear someone shout orders and people started moving below them. They took that as their chance to move into the second secret room up in the attic. It was a small room that blended in with the walls, just like the attic entrance, except if you went knocking on the walls, you’d never hear a hallow sound where the room was located. It sounded just like all of the other walls. They grabbed a few blankets and some food before retreating in there.

Evan and Connor stayed silent as the attic door was forced open. They made sure to lock the door to their little room. Evan knew that there was a secret escape ladder in this room, and wanted to wait until they cleared the attic and left the house. They could hear people scurry around the room trying to look for them. They waited for hours before Evan risked a peek at the peep hole. They had left their phones out there to make Heidi’s story a little more real, they both knew phones could be tracked.

Evan couldn’t see anyone, but he took a look at the security feed, seeing no one there. He backed up and waved silently to Connor, leading him to the ladder. They both went down, two backpacks filled with food and enough money to last them a while. They took the small passage way to the neighbor behind the Hansen’s backyard. They cleared the backyard and ran. They hopped the fences to a few streets away before spotting a familiar house.

The two teens looked at each other before knocking on the door. “Evan? Connor?” Alana asked when she saw who it was. “You two went missing two days ago!” She said, ushering them in.

“Don’t say anything to anyone. We need a car.” Connor said, slightly panicked. He closed and locked all the windows, closing the blinds. “We are hiding from the shooters. I think they are trying to reset everything because Evan restored our memories.” Connor said, pulling out the three journals he brought up to the attic with them.

“I can get you a car, but that’s it. Well, maybe some extra cash and clothes, but that’s it otherwise.” Alana said, going to get as she promised.

“Thanks Alana, you’re a lifesaver, literally.” Evan said, relaxing his shoulders just a bit.

“Anytime Evan. I’d do anything to make sure you two are safe. I don’t think you’d be able to handle another reset.” Alana said, coming back with a bag of clothes, some extra cash, and the car keys. “Its just up the street, it’s a white compact car. Take that and get as far as you can.” She said, lightly pushing us out the door. “I’ll see you two soon… Hopefully.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYEEEEEEE! HI... So on Wednesday I'm taking the day off since I have to get my school schedule, get my bestie into DEH, and then I must babysit. If I have an update ready, I'll post, but as of now, it's kinda a write-when-need-to-update thing... ALSO YES THIS JUST HAPPENED BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I will be Bowser all I want so *sticks out tongue* BLEH <3   
> PS You guys are fricken amazing and I love you all for sticking with me and my weird notes and comments and just overall weird story.


	30. The Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "California."

After Evan and Connor were safely in the car and on the move, they decided to try taking about just what the hell was happening.

“It seemed like they were only after you…” Connor said after Evan brought the subject up.

“Maybe only I have to die…” Evan mumbled, taking Connor’s hand and leaning against the glass.

“No, Evan, don’t make me have this talk with you. I love you and nothing is going to make me stop, and I’m going to protect us so that we can live through this together.” Connor said, gripping Evan’s hand tightly.

“I’m sorry… Where are we going anyway?” Evan finally thought to ask, as Connor seemed to know where he was going.

“California.” Was all he said as they finally turned onto a highway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, sue me, it's incredibly short. The next chapter is going to be longer, by a lot, but it also skips to when they arrive. So Be warned!  
> PS I love all of you who read my story and Golden Tissue Boxes to anyone who kudos and comments!  
> Don't forget I answer asks on my Tumblr.  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	31. The Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing either of them saw, was the crying face of each other.
> 
> And then Evan woke up to his alarm, tears streaming down his face.

It took about two and a half days for them to get to California. They stopped to get food a few times, and only when Connor was really starting to get out of it did they pull over to sleep.

They stopped in a small-town close to the beach. They decided this was far enough, and parked in a target parking lot. They went into the store and got some new clothes, only spending about 50 of what was left of their money.

“Connor, I just remembered that I have a relative here in town.” Evan said when they got back to the car. “She used to live near us, but had to move away when we were kids.” Connor nodded, noting it was there best bet.

“Do you know where she lives?” Connor asked, turning towards the teen next to him.

“I don’t know where, but I remember the address from when we sent letters to each other. She and I were like siblings when we were young… I think it might be close to here though.” He said, relaying the address. Connor nodded and they pulled out of the parking lot to start looking down neighborhood streets. Luckily it only took them ten minutes to find the house.

Evan got out and sheepishly knocked on the door, while Connor stood off the porch, looking around at the other houses. It took a moment, but a teen who looked fairly similar to Evan opened the door.

“Evan?” She asked, extremely confused.

“Hi Lilian… It’s nice to see you again. Do you think you could help us?” He asked, looking down like he asked the most outrageous thing.

“Of course! God, the news has literally nothing on it but you two!” She said, opening the door all the way for the other two teens. “Also, Aunt Heidi called once to tell me that you two might come here.”

Once the two were settled inside, she sat them down and asked for the story. Once she was filled in, she hummed.

“That is weird. I noticed something was weird when I woke up one morning to find that I didn’t have something I thought I did… Interesting! I don’t know if you knew, but I started doing research in paranormal activities. It’s actually weird that you told me about this, because I had just created the solution to a similar problem. Someone had messaged me asking how to break a series of events that continuously happened. At the end of each one, they died and time started over, just like you. However, they tracked their case by numbers, which means that it could go on for infinity. I just had to tell them to think of a stopping number to fix it. For yours, it seems that you have to finish the rainbow of notebooks.” She explained, pacing back and forth, talking extremely animatedly.

“O-Okay, b-but how do w-we get the p-people to stop f-following me?” Evan asked, playing with Connor’s fingers.

“Reset.” Lilian said simply. “And then don’t tell Connor what happened. That’s what triggered this chain of events. But I do think both of you have to die… Sadly this does seem to be the only logical explanation… Time didn’t reset until both of you had died in the last two…” She mumbled, trailing off. “Anyway, I have a simple solution. I accidentally made this pill, thinking it would help with the person’s situation, but it ended up killing them in that time. If you two take it I’m sure you’ll wake up back home, Connor ignorant, and Evan starting the next Journal. It would be green, right? Then there would only be two more resets. I would suggest dying earlier. And don’t die when you get to the last notebook. That’s the one you can make them remember on. That’s what my client told me.” Lilian turned and went into her room for a few minutes before coming out with two pills. “Take these when you’re ready. I’ll give you two until midnight to take them before I shove them down your throats.” She smiled, turning back into her room after setting them down.

“We could talk and just cuddle until then?” Connor suggested, quiet up until that point. He turned to see tears coming down Evan’s face. “Ev, what’s wrong?” He asked, panicked.

“I don’t want to die again. It’s so much for me to handle. I-I cried when I woke up this time. I cried because I had lost you, and I didn’t know how to handle that. I don’t want to lose you two more times. It’ll be like the first time, when I wrote that note, all over again. I don’t want that…” Evan said, sniffling. He hugged Connor and cried into his shoulder, scared to let go. “I don’t want to die.”

“I know, I don’t either. But we have to get through this. It’s this time, and after that two times more. Write what you wrote in the first letter. And then follow me in… That was actually heartless, I’m sorry. But don’t know a better way. Just know I love you… No matter what okay?” Connor said, nuzzling Evan’s cheek.

“Okay… I love you too Connor.” Evan said, pulling back to give Connor one last kiss. They looked at each other before taking a pill each…

“One.” Evan whispered.

“Two.” Connor continued. And together, they both spoke.

“Three.”

And it felt almost instantaneous, when in actuality it had been ten minutes.

The last thing either of them saw, was the crying face of each other.

And then Evan woke up to his alarm, tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this story is coming to a close, I'd say there is only around fifteen more chapters, and I already have tomorrow's typed up. Now this is the only instance of Lilian, but she's Evan's cousin from his Dad's side, and when his Dad moved away so did she, but they stayed in touch for a few years before growing apart.
> 
> SO! How did you enjoy this? Did I break your hearts? Because next chapter is worse I can promise! <3  
> PS, I have a tumblr too! You can ask anything!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	32. The Written Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sat up and wiped his tears, as prepared for the day as he could have been...  
> ~~~~  
> "WELL FUCK YOU!” Connor said as he stormed out.  
> Well, that was phase one of Evan’s plan. Now all he had to do was write his own note…

He sat up and wiped his tears, as prepared for the day as he could have been. He got dressed in his blue polo and his khakis, then went downstairs.

The conversation with Heidi was the same, how she wanted him to boost his confidence, and get some friends. He just nodded along, so sure about what he was going to do, but not sure if he could actually do it.

He made his way to school, a pair of earbuds shoved into his head. He was listening to some bands Connor had told Evan he liked. He made it to his locker, taking out the earbuds as Jared talked to him about being the “First to break their arm masturbating.”

And then Connor started walking towards them. “Hey! Connor! Love the new haircut! Very School Shooter Chic.” Jared said, making Evan punch him in the arm.

“Shut up.” Was all he said as he walked away to class.

At lunch, Evan typed up his note… The one he hoped would help him get this over with.

‘Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be a good day and here’s why…

You know what, today isn’t going to be a good day, and neither will tomorrow, or next week, or the rest of the year and even after that. But all my hope is pinned on Zoe, because Zoe is all I have left. And maybe if I just disappeared, someone would notice, but that isn’t going to happen because if I disappear, no one is going to care. I’m just a speck of dust, no one would see disappear. But if Zoe could notice, then maybe everything would be okay.

Sincerely,

Me’

And then he hit print, not wasting anytime to hesitate.

“Your name is Evan Hansen, right?” Came the fated words he’d been waiting to hear.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Evan said, looking up to see Connor.

“This was just printed out, and I noticed you were the guy who told Jared to ‘shut up’. I wanted to say thanks…” Connor said, sitting down next to him. “So, how’d you break your arm?”

“I fell out of a tree…” Evan answered.

“That is the saddest fucking thing I have ever heard.” There was a pause. “No one’s signed your cast… I’ll sign it.” Connor said.

“You don’t have to…”

“Do you have a sharpie?” Evan nodded and pulled it out, handing it to the taller teen.

“Here…” The only thing said was Evan’s quiet ‘ow’ from Connor pulling a bit too hard. “Great, thanks.” Evan said as he saw the big block letters.

“Anyway, here you go… Wait… What’s this about my sister?” Connor asked, skimming the note.

“No! I mean, it’s just a stupid assi-“

“You saw that I was the only other person in here, didn’t you? You wrote this so that I would freak out, and so that you could prove to everyone that I’m crazy! WELL FUCK YOU!” Connor said as he stormed out.

Well, that was phase one of Evan’s plan. Now all he had to do was write his own note…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the part that will get a bit tense! The next chapter will be up in a little bit. Sorry it's a bit late, but I forgot to post before I went to work >o<'  
> I hope you all enjoyed and Hopefully the next chapter will be up in the next hour lol!  
> OH! Don't forget that I have a tumblr and I love to hear from you guys!!!! <3<3<3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	33. The Blue Code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He downed what was left in both bottles before crying himself to sleep so that he wouldn’t have to wake up.
> 
> But he did, and it was to his alarm.
> 
> The only thing he knew was that blue could only mean one thing.  
> Devastation.

Evan waited the three days patiently, not saying much to anyone. He honestly felt so numb and he wasn’t sure how much longer he would take this before snapping.

He wrote in a green journal all of his thoughts and what he did. He also wrote both the note Connor had and his own note.

When he was called into the office he acted anxious and when he was told about Connor, he actually cried. He told them that they weren’t close but he really liked Connor. He was let out of school early to mourn.

He went straight home and picked up the piece of paper that held his note and re-read it.

‘Dear Connor Murphy,

I’m sorry.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,

Me’

And that was all he needed to say.

Be moved over to his bed where his anxiety pills and some sleeping pills sat. He downed what was left in both bottles before crying himself to sleep so that he wouldn’t have to wake up.

But he did, and it was to his alarm.

He stood up, not wanting to do that again. He felt so bad now that it was over. He never wanted to do that again. _Never._

He moved to where he hid the note books on his shelf and pulled out the four he had written in. He wasn’t ready for Code Blue. He didn’t want to repeat Code Green… Maybe if he pretended that Blue was the last colour it would all be over… At least he hoped so.

He got ready in a light blue shirt and some grey jeans, deciding he wanted to be a bit more comfortable for this time. He slipped on his white flats and his white sweater, then made his way downstairs.

Heidi sat at the table and smiled when she saw Evan. “You look so adorable Honey! I’m sure today will be good!” She said, moving a plate of French Toast in front of him. “Have you written that letter to yourself yet? It’ll boost your confidence!”

“I did, but I’m going to print it off at school.”

“That’s great Honey! Oh! You should ask other people to sign your cast! I’m sure you’ll make another friend!” Heidi suggested, standing to leave for work.

“Yeah, I’ll grab a Sharpie on my way out.” Evan said, eating his food. He smiled as she said her goodbyes.

He finished eating and started moving his things into his white backpack. When he finished he stood up and stretched. Then he made his way to school, not quite sure what he was going to do.

The only thing he knew was that blue could only mean one thing.

Devastation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Hope you enjoyed!!! <3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	34. The Blues Are Calming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan arrived at school visibly nervous. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through this, but this was the last colour before he would be safe.  
> But, by the end of the day,  
> Evan was strangely okay with this reset and he kind of hoped that he wouldn’t have to go through another one.  
> (Gasp! Summary that has things from chapter and not from chapter!!!!)

Evan arrived at school visibly nervous. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through this, but this was the last colour before he would be safe.

He arrived at his locker to see Jared, just like in all of the other play throughs.

“Hey, Evan. Ya’know, you might just be the first person to break their arm masturbating. I can just imagine it now, you with Connor Murphy’s social media pulled up.” Jared said, chuckling when Evan started sputtering.

“I fell out of a—Wait, did you say Connor Murphy?” Evan asked, staring at his family friend.

“Well, duh, you’ve been pinning over him for years. Doesn’t mean he’s not a creepy fuck though. I don’t get what you see in him.” Jared said, spotting something from behind Evan. “There he is now!” Jared sprung off the locker to stand in the way of Connor. “Hey, Connor. I love the new haircut! Super School Shooter Chic. Maybe this year you’ll actually do it!” Jared laughed. Evan huffed, shutting his locker rather loudly, catching both teen’s attention.

“Jared, just shut up. Connor’s done nothing, and all this is because you’re insecure.” Evan said, standing between the two now. He turned to Connor. “Sorry about Jared, he’s nice, but a huge jerk. Do you want to eat lunch with me? I’ll be in the Computer lab.” Evan said as the first bell rang. “I’ll see you then hopefully.” Evan said as he made his way to class.

Evan worried his bottom lip for the periods leading up to lunch. What the bell rang for said eating time, he went straight to the computer lab and started eating, waiting for Connor to show up.

And show up he did.

It seemed as though he was shoved through the door because he fell on his face as soon as he entered. Evan hurriedly stood and went over to make sure he was okay and to help him up.

“Thanks,” Connor said when they were finally seated and all was quiet.

“No problem. No use in being like Jared if I want more friends.” Evan joked, making Connor snort.

“So, what’s with inviting me to eat lunch all of a sudden?” Connor asked, getting to the point.

“Well, I just… I wanted to get to know you… I mean, I’ve known you for so long, because we have such a small class, but I don’t really know you, know you and you seem like a good person. And you are really cute but that’s beside the point. I just wanted to have a better friend than Jared, because I’m finally done with his bullying and I know you are too…” Evan rambled, making Connor smile. Thankfully he didn’t seem to catch that Evan called him cute.

“You seem like a good person to get to know too.” Connor said, a serene look on his face.

“Do you want to hang out after school and get ice cream?” Evan blurted out. Connor chuckled at the embarrassed blush that filled out Evan’s cheeks.

“Yeah, meet me by my truck after school.” Evan nodded as the first bell rang. They both stood up, Evan having long ago packed his lunch away, and left the classroom to go to their next periods.

Evan was strangely okay with this reset and he kind of hoped that he wouldn’t have to go through another one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not going to upload until Friday or Saturday (at least this story) because school starts Wednesday and I take my drivers test tomorrow, and I am celebrating a friend's birthday on Tuesday. (also I spelled birthday, brithday and couldn't figure out why that was wrong)  
> Also my uploading schedule is going to change. I will have solid Saturday updates, and starting next Monday it will be Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, wash, rinse, and repeat.  
> This is because of block schedule at my school and I don't have a first period on these days.  
> Well I hope you enjoyed reading this update!!!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	35. The Little Less Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan having to deal with so much from the last play though and the long day today, he went up and dug through a drawer lot really looking at the notebook he picked up...
> 
> When he finished, he flipped the book closed, but something about it was off. He looked a little more careful and realized…
> 
> (DUNDUNDUNNNNN)

Evan met up with Connor at the latter’s car after school and the two went straight to the Ice Cream Parlor. They spent a few hours there before Connor dropped Evan off at home.

Evan having to deal with so much from the last play though and the long day today, he went up and dug through a drawer lot really looking at the notebook he picked up. He filled out the pages, not really caring that he left it open as he got ready for bed.

He plopped down onto his mattress and fell asleep.

In the morning, he got up and got ready in a simple pink to yellow pastel dress. He put on some white leggings, a white, cropped suit vest, and his white shoes. He put pastel orange eye shadow on and a double wing of pink eyeliner. He went downstairs and ate some toast before heading off to school. He arrived and went straight to his locker to see Jared standing in front of it.

“Hey.” Evan said quietly, but loud enough that Jared looked up from his phone.

“Oh, hey. So, what was that yesterday? Finally get the courage to ask Connor out?” Jared teased, obviously spiteful that Evan dissed him the day before.

“I’m sorry about what I said, but we both know it’s true in some way. Also, Connor is pretty cool. You two would get along well.” Evan said, opening his locker and pulling out his needed supplies.

“Yeah, whatever.” Was all Jared said before he walked off.

“Hey Evan.” The mentioned teen turned around to see Connor behind him and Evan closed his locker, looking up at the taller teen.

“Hey Con.” He said, smiling brightly.

“I- uh- I really like your dress. It suits you.” Connor said, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck with a hand.

“Thanks. Your hair looks nice too. I mean, it looked nice yesterday, it just seems a little more kept today. Not that it wasn’t yest-“ Evan was cut off.

“It’s fine. I just washed it and brushed it this morning.” Connor said, looking away with a light blush. “Can I walk you- I mean- walk _with_ you to your class?” Connor asked, smiling when Evan nodded. The two took off, walking down the hall. They didn’t talk, but they didn’t need too.

“I’ll see you later. At lunch meet me out-side the West cafeteria doors okay?” Connor nodded and let Evan go into class as they arrived. He waited until Evan was fully out of sight before going to his own class.

At lunch, Evan took Connor to a different, but just as private part of the small forest, and Jared had tagged along as well, cracking a few meme jokes on the walk over. They sat and told small stories as Evan laid on the grass, laughing.

He eventually looked up to see both teens staring at him. “What?” He asked them, as one was red in the face, and the other looked rather skeptical.

“Well, you’re acting different than normal.” Jared said, pushing his glasses farther up his face with his thumb. “Like, you’re more confident, you don’t seem anxious, and you aren’t stuttering at all.”

“…” Evan was silent a moment. “I had a really bad dream, and I couldn’t really wake up, but it kinda changed my view on stuff…” Evan said simply. Jared accepted this answer and leaned back, cracking an Illuminati joke.

After school had ended, Evan went back home to relax. He went up to his room to write what happened in the notebook. When he finished, he flipped the book closed, but something about it was off. He looked a little more careful and realized…

This is a little too purple to be blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Nother schedule update! So I'll update on either Saturday or Sunday and then the every other weekday alternates. That is all, I'll see you on Tuesday!!!!!!  
> Also don't forget to follow my tumblr, you can ask me stuff on it too!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	36. The Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this time he really would be safe.

Evan gripped his hair. What the hell did it even mean?? He just grabbed the wrong book and now he’s skipped straight to Code Purple?

Evan didn’t know what to do anymore, so he crawled into bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, his mother came in and woke up yup. She said she was leaving for work but would be around that night. Evan just nodded and started getting ready.

When he was finally heading out of the house, he saw Connor’s truck in the corner of his eye. He turned and walked toward it. The window came down when he stopped just before it.

“Well?” Connor said, rolling his eyes. “Are you going to get in so we can go to school?” Evan nodded and pulled open the door, climbing in. He hummed along to a few of the songs playing quietly on the radio, and by the time they were at school he was singing aloud.

The two walked to Evan’s locker meeting up with Jared there and talking for a few minutes before heading to class.

By the end of the day Evan was so sure that this was the end, this is his ending.

He arrived back home and filled out the journal.

And this time he really would be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the beginning of the end! Only a few more chapters!!!  
> Love you all!!!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com  
> <3


	37. The GCTGT3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plan get Connor to go trick-or-treating was a success. Now all they needed to do was make the costumes.

The month leading up to Halloween wasn’t full of much but hanging out with Connor and Jared. However, Evan did want to do costumes and go trick-or-treating, so he had to figure out how to get Connor to go with him and Jared. So, plan get Connor to go trick-or-treating, aka CTGT3, was a go. Evan and Jared conspired quietly whenever Connor wasn’t paying attention, or they would text at night or sometimes during the day.

Jared mostly just egged Evan to ask Connor out, and ask him to do a corresponding costume with him, but Evan did NOT want to force Connor into anything. Finally, about two weeks before the haunted night, Evan blurted out, “We should all go as Mario characters for Halloween.” And Connor immediately perked up.

“You guys still dress up for Halloween?” Connor asked, not seeming to sure if he should agree. However, Jared quickly changed that.

“Dude, we’ve gone trick-or-treating every year since we were born. We aren’t gonna give up now. We also watch Horror movies after we finish. Anyway, that’s an awesome idea Dude. I’m gonna go as Bowser jr. Make people think I’m still a little kid, ya’know?” Jared said, grinning.

“I could go as like, regular Bowser? Maybe Luigi?” Connor said, questioning himself.

“I kind of wanted to go as Peach…” Evan said, looking away in case they were disgusted in his choice.

“I’ll go as Mario then.” He heard Connor say. He looked up, blushing, only to see that Connor was just as red as he was. “If that’s okay, I mean.” Evan nodded, making Connor smile.

“Alright you love birds, where do we go to get these costumes?” Evan smiled and looked at Connor, but then realized that Connor doesn’t know Evan knows he sews.

“Oh, um, I kind of know how to sew.” Evan says, hoping to prompt Connor. And it does.

“I do too. We could work on them together maybe?” Connor asks, hopeful that Evan might say yes.

“That’d be amazing!” Evan grinned, looking up at Connor.

“Cool, so you guys can sew and I’ll make the props and stuff. I’ve always been good at that, huh Ev?” Jared asked, smirking at Evan with a knowing look.

“That’s right. You made those wands for us last year when we went as Hogwarts students.” Evan laughed. “You almost broke your arm the first time you used the wood turner.” Jared pouted, but laughed. “Since we have a plan, now we need a place to work. I know my mom won’t mind as long as we clean up when we’re finished making them, and we keep the kitchen table clean.”

“That sounds good to me!” Jared said, fist pumping. Connor smiled and nodded in agreement.

Plan CTGT3 was a success. Now all that was left was to make the costumes before Halloween.

Everything was ready and Halloween was the next day. Evan had a blonde wig ordered that had arrived two days ago, and his dress was beautiful and his crown was gorgeous. Connor’s outfit was perfect too, and even his hat was great. However, he decided he wanted to be Luigi since Mario is shorter than Peach, and that wouldn’t work with Evan being Peach. Jared’s costume was also great, and he had spikes made of vinyl, stuffed with cotton, and the shell was also a backpack for candy collection. He had made a spiked collar and cuffs, but decided to go as adult Bowser instead, because he was too lazy to make Bowser jr.’s bandana and paint brush.

So, now they were just chilling out at Evan’s house, watching something random on Netflix.

“Hey, I’ve gotta go guys.” Jared says, standing up and stretching. “I’ll see you guys at my place tomorrow. Don’t forget the costumes!” He calls as he leaves. Connor pauses the show and turns to Evan, like this was planned. Somehow, Evan didn’t doubt that.

“Evan… Can I… Can I ask for some advice?” He said, taking a shaky breath.

“Yeah, what do you need?” Evan asked, turning to face Connor fully, pulling his legs onto the couch.

“Well, I really like this guy, and I’m not really sure if he likes me back… How do I tell?” Connor rubbed the back of his neck, turning his face away and blushing.

“Well, does he smile at you? Like when you greet him, or tell a bad joke?”

“Yeah…”

“And do you hang out a lot, and have fun doing it? Does he always enjoy being with you?”

“I… I think so?” Connor questioned, getting a look from Evan. “Yes.” Connor finally said, a bit more confident.

“Then he must like you. I mean, what’s not to like about you? You’re amazing and cool, and you’re tall and handsome. You tell the best jokes, and I love your smile because it just lights up the room, and your laugh is like music to me, and you’re really smart, and did I mention that you’re like really hot?” Evan rambled, not filtering himself at all. When he focused back on Connor’s face, he saw the other deeply flushed. “Did I… Did I say something wrong?” Evan asked before he was tackled to the couch with a kiss. Connor pulled away, barely making room for their breath.

“You said just what I needed to hear.” Connor smiled before Kissing Evan again.

Sadly, they didn’t get much candy the next night, but at least Connor and Evan got to cuddle without Jared teasing them during their scary movie Marathon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer ;(  
> There is actually going to be something around six or seven more chapters. I made a cheat sheet today, so I have all my main ideas written down!  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the fluff! And don't forget you can ask me anything on tumblr! <3  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


	38. The Hanukkah and Christmas (Also Thanksofthegiving)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MORE FLUFF OF HALODAYS

Thanksgiving came and went quickly; the most exciting thing was Evan being invited to Connors for a very tense dinner. However, the celebration was quickly over and Evan started getting ready for Hanukkah.

As that came, Connor came over the first day before Evan started celebrating with his mom.

“Hey Ev,” Connor said walking into Evan’s room. “I got you something…” He trailed off, seeing Evan blushing, standing shirtless in the middle of the room.

“Uh, um, h-hi C-Con…” Evan chuckled nervously, slipping his shirt all the way on. “Sorry…” He said, moving to his bed to sit down, patting next to him so the taller teen could sit next to him.

“N-No it’s all good… I uh, before I sit, I want to give you something.” Connor said, getting on one knee. “I know we haven’t been dating for long, but would you maybe… Promise that one day we’ll get married? I mean, I just really like you and I feel like I’ve known you for forever, and I have an inkling of a suspicion I do… But well, would you.” Evan was silent, staring at the ring for a moment before he softly nodded, a grin spreading on his face. Connor grinned and jumped up, placing the ring onto Evan’s finger. It was a simple black band with an emerald rectangle in the middle, imbedded into the ring. Connor showed Evan his, which was the same black band as Evan’s only it had garnet instead.

“This is amazing Connor. I mean, I love you so much, and I kind of always wanted this, and I’ve had this really big crush on you for like years and I’m so glad you like me, I’m not sure if you love me, but I love you.” Evan said, smooshing Connor’s face in his hands, making Connor chuckle.

“Of course I love you Ev.” He said, leaning forward and pecking Evan’s nose. “Now stop squishing my face please.” He said, laughing as Evan blushed.

Just before Christmas, Evan started his plan. Hanukkah hadn’t quite ended, but he persuaded his mother to go out and shop for Connor with him. So the two went out and looked around, but didn’t find anything that Connor would have liked, so Evan asked if it would be alright if they saved enough money to get Connor a top surgery for his Christmas present and Birthday.

Heidi agreed, and thankfully knew someone that gave her a friendly discount. So that was going to be Connors gift. And man, when he saw it, he started crying from how happy he was… It was the first time someone he considered family truly accept and help him.

And this time it was scheduled for the day after his birthday, to ruin all chances of Code Red happening again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so late, I know. I don't even remember when I last posted honestly, but I think its been like a week... SORRY But heere is floof to make up for my procrastination and my brain hating me! Hope you enjoy!!!!  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com  
> PS Please ignore spelling and Grammar stuff. I'm really tired and I have to get up in a few hours to trudge through classes I hate. WISH ME LUCK LOVELIES!!! THANKSSSSSS FOOOORRRRRRDDDD TREEEEEEEADING


	39. The Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets his top surgery and moves out

January 22. That’s what today was. It was also the day that Connor was going to be taking a break from work for a few weeks to get his top surgery done. Heidi and Evan had scheduled the appointment at a later time, so that they could keep Connor there overnight, and so that Evan wouldn’t have to risk Code Red again. He shivered at the thought.

Heidi, Connor, and Evan all took off, making their way safely to the hospital for the surgery. They had to wait an hour and a half before Connor was taken back.

Luckily, even though visiting hours were technically over, Evan and Heidi got to check on Connor before they went home for the night. They saw him sleeping peacefully, but left a note for him, saying they’d be there to get him at nine.

When they got Connor the next morning, he was waiting for them outside. He climbed into the car next to Evan and off they went, carefully driving home.

During the few weeks Connor had taken off of work, he had started looking at apartments near the College he and Evan had applied to. He and Evan had started working sometime just after Halloween and hadn’t spent a dime of what they earned at work, hoping to save up for a place together.

He found a relatively cheap apartment near the campus by the end of the first week and so he started packing his things at his house. By the second week, he and Evan were sharing rent, and Connor had started moving in. At the end of the last week, Connor was in a mostly furbished, one bedroom, one bath, apartment.

Evan had a copy of the key, as he was going to move in as soon as he turned 18 in May.

And so far, live was pretty snazzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm predicting there are three more chapters now~! I'm also super sorry about the posting schedule this week. I was caught up in redoing my room and homework, but I'll post another once or twice over the weekend. Love you all and don't forget I answer asks on Tumblr.  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com  
> <3<3<3<3


	40. The Last One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last one

Evan was glad that March was almost over. It was so close to April and he could just smell May around the corner. He and Connor had both gotten acceptance letters into the college and they celebrated with A’La Mode on a snowy day.

Evan had eventually shown Connor the note books, but no memories had re-surfaced, leaving him a little saddened by it. However, he learned to move on, as there was nothing that could go wrong now.

Finally, Spring Break came and Connor and Evan spent the week snuggled up with chocolate, watching kid’s movies at their apartment. Connor, on the last day, went to the courthouse to fix his name and gender, happy that he could actually do that now.

And now it was Evan’s birthday. The week leading up was filled with tearful packing and moving his boxes to the apartment. On the actual day, they went to a nicer restaurant and had an amazing meal. Just as dessert was ordered, Connor had cleared his throat, demanding attention.

He had gotten up out of his seat, and moved to kneel besides Evan.

“Dear Evan Hansen,

You make me the happiest I’ve ever been. And I know that you’ve been through so much, and I’m sorry I can’t help you more, but please, would you marry me?

Sincerely,

Me.”

And Evan just about broke down. He nodded, and pushed his chair out so he could cry on Connor’s shoulder, hugging him close. When he had finally calmed down, Connor slid the ring on his finger and more tears burst forth. It took a while before they ate dessert.

And now the last day of school. Graduation. The day the shitfest ends and turns into a crapfest. Everyone was smiling. Tears were shed by Zoe, who still had another year of school, and by Alana, who was going to be leaving for Harvard. But it was a happy day, and they celebrated with A’La Mode and barbeque.

Evan wasn’t sure what the future might bring, but he was sure as all hell that he would not be going back to September 1st. Never back to the first day of senior year. Only to his college graduation and much later, his wedding.

The END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT AFTER A LONG FUCKING TIME OF PROCRASTINATION!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I'M GOING TO POST THE BE MORE CHILL ONE IN A LITTLE BIT!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND I'M SUPER SORRY ITS SO CRAPPY.  
> zoiasks.tumblr.com


End file.
